here we rest

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

2010-06-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

you should be over at my new, way awesomer blogs!!!!

my main blog
my photo blog
my self portrait blog
my video blog

stay hip to what's what with all my blogs at my facebook fan page, follow me on twitter and...well shit, that should be enough, right?

THANKS FOR TUNING IN!!!

2009-08-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

OMG i hate this blog it's totally holding me back SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB. i love tumblr...so i'm killing this blog and i'm starting fresh over there. i started this blog when i ran off with garland because i was pathetic and depressed and then i got more pathetic and depressed and didn't wanna write about it online on more. AND THEN i started not feeling pathetic and depressed, i feel AWESOME. so fuck this blog. but if you're just starting, you should browse the old posts. i'm pretty funny. otherwise, check me out at here and thanks for reading http://isniceasajewel.tumblr.com

also...i haven't posted on here in 18 eternities...i've done some things while i've been gone. check it owt:

disappointism.tumblr.com

GZNjew.blogspot.com

and follow me on twitter jessicaelainew

that's all. remember, pulling out is not a contraceptive. bag that shit yo.

vacation

2009-04-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

hi blog readers. i'm writing because i'm not going to be writing for a while and i figured i'd make it official. i'm in LA, things are going, i got a job, still living with will and margeaux, been riding buses and trains ALL OVER the los angeles area visiting folks and doing stuff...but uh, i don't have a computer anymore since mine died (SAD SAD SAD) and i don't have the kind of access i need to post this blog the way i want to. "but you're posting right now?" yeah, i noticed that too but generally, it takes me somewhere between 8 and 12 hours to post a blog what with uploading, the weird tics and flaws that blogger has, research, editing and so on and that's with a fast internet connection and a speedy computer, neither or which i have regular access to currently. so i'm on vacation from here we rest BUT there will be a return! since i got that job i mentioned above, i've started a fund to get myself a new computer and be back on the map. as soon as that happens, you'll be hearing a whole bunch from me. in the interim, i started a photo and video blog at http://likeashotgun.blogspot.com. i actually started it up a while ago but just recently got the html mostly worked out so it looks fancy and have been posting stuff. since there are no words, it takes me much less time to make a post. so anyway, stayed tuned, if you wanna be on the list to get an email when i finally do get back to posting, hit me up at jessicaelainew@gmail.com. or just send me a message about how you love me and how empty your life will be until i'm back posting on the regular. lots of stuff has been going down for me and for you as well, i'm sure, so there will be much to read and see when the time comes. all the best, keep up with me on twitter if you wanna (jessicaelainew) and i'll still be checking in to facebook and myspace and all the other social networking i can fit into my busy schedule. hahahahahahahaha. and remember, PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE! bag that shit yo. bag it for real. (also, trojan magnum ultra thins? don't mess with those things unless you want a wet spot and a pregnancy to deal with, f'sho.)

i don't miss it but i remember

2009-03-05T10:33:00.000-08:00

me at roscoe's chicken and waffles, shot by my mom

LOS ANGELES IS NOT NEW YORK

-in n out burger, roscoe's chicken and waffles, canter's and el pollo loco (my fave eating spots) are all in los angeles but not new york.

first thing when i landed, i insisted that we go to in n out burger. for those that don't know, this is a double double, no lettuce, grilled onions and an order of fries,my fave way to stuff my face.

mom at roscoe's before a 1/2 chicken smothered in onion gravy, 2 waffles,
candied yams, collard greens and cheesey macaroni [HEAVEN].

-in new york the trains are fast and sometimes reek of urine, in los angeles the trains are clean and usually take mad long.
-in los angeles people don't talk to each other 'cause they're in cars and all spread out, in new york people are on the street and smooshed up on top of each other and they don't talk to each other 'cause they just don't.
-there are no palm trees in new york. shame.

a palm tree

-in los angeles you look out your window and you can see across the county to the snow capped mountains and beyond, in new york you look out your window and you can see across the street or, if you're really lucky, you see a brick wall.
-in new york everyone has cats, in los angeles, everyone has dogs.

mija

-there are buckets of donut shops in LA! i never noticed it before. it's nuts.
-in new york if you don't have money for the train you can risk hopping through and facing a $100 ticket for fare evasion, in los angeles they've got this honor system running; you don't HAVE to buy a ticket, you can just walk on BUT if you get caught, you get a $250 dollar ticket. huh.
-in los angles you can turn on red without ever getting in trouble (unless you hit someone), in new york you can jaywalk without ever getting in trouble (unless someone hits you).
-the hipsters are WAY hotter in new york but they're WAY bigger assholes too; people in general are way hotter in los angeles and the hot mexican constituent is off the door hinges. i swoon...
-the recession is alive and kicking in NY and LA and in both places, it takes hella hours in the welfare office to get food stamps. new york is faster though. step it up LA!

a bathroom break at the welfare office

-it's easier to get a smile on the street in LA and i'm learning to walk slowly. it's hard but i'm getting it.

rat tar

i caught one last opening at the WORK gallery, my favorite art spot in brooklyn. emily driscoll, the dearly departed painter/poet and co-founder of WORK gallery, much of whose work had never been seen publicly, had paintings from her college career up till just before her passing on display at the red tin shack.

the WORK gallery is one of the things i'll likely miss most about new york, just a little thing on a corner with a fire in a barrel (constructed of found objects by the waugh brothers) outside and a clusterbone of wacky, literate, self-aware works inside. i've been to every opening since...well, since the opening of the gallery. i missed one event, last month there was a fund raiser that i slept through 'cause i'm lame. but whatever, i held it down and i'll likely plan my future travels to new york around events happening at WORK gallery. the outdoor-multimedia-dance party that's happening in 11 april already has my ears perked. check out WORK here.

all the above works are by emily and look WAY better in real life; they hang until the 23rd of march, go check them out!!!

in other rat tar news, i'm an intern! i managed to line up a sweet little gig for myself at THE COMPANY, an art space in chinatown. i'm totally in love and really excited for my future with the space; not only am i an intern, i'm the new event photographer. fancy. you can check out their web presence here and check back at the blog for updates on openings and events. i don't get paid but annie, the woman who runs the gallery hooks up the foodstuffs like whoa:

yummy vietnamese veggie sandwhich that totally made my day, thanks annie!

movies

american heart
i haven't seen many movies this good. i caught this one on ifc by chance and was happy for it; the acting, writing and shooting of this film give jesus a run for his money. take a hint BRIDE WARS, this is what a movie is suppossed to by like! jeff bridges gives us an awesome look at a proto-dude style character, fresh out of jail, bumming it up and trying to get his life back together. his son is played by a young and awesome eddie furlong in a manner that made me wish that eddie would make more movies 'cause his acting chops are on point, even kiddie style. check this one out, it's a goodie.

self portrait from kinda far away on will and margeaux's porchy/baolcony thingy.
that's the couch i sleep on it's the most comfortable couch my rump has seen in a minute.

arizona dream
marissa had been telling me about this movie for years, about how it was her favorite and how it was awesome and stuff. one of the last things i did with marissa before i got out of dodge was to finally sit down and watch this movie with her. johnny depp is in it so from there you know it's gonna be a winner. it's surreal and lily taylor is a weirdo, beautiful and awesome as usual. faye dunaway and jerry lewis also bring the weirdness, the awesomeness and the beautifulness in this strange love story with a few great lines about new york including but not limited to "in new york, you can see everyone but no one can see you". i say check it out.

russian ark
i remember when this one came out about six (7?) years ago; it's a feature length film shot in one continuous shot, the only film to this day to be able to lay claim to such a feat. it's long. i fell asleep before it ended because of the beers and the food from the taco stand and the greens and the cookies that desiree made but i enjoyed it up until then. it's kinda like a critique of russianness. i think. but it's really beautiful and there's this old guy who's lost in time and space and he's really funny. plus i really like the sound of spoken russian. lovely language.

flowers in pasadena

lie to me
my new favorite network tv show! it's a little dumbed down (lots of repetition of the fancy terms and close ups on the "hints" that lead to solving a case) and formulaic in the way that your typical cop drama will unfold with the exception that these folks aren't cops, they're a team of "deception experts" who know how to tell what's behind the myriad of human expressions and gestures. i really enjoy it and i'm hoping that by watching the show, i myself can become something of an amateur deception expert. next time i ask if you've been reading the blog, don't scratch your nose or look off to the left before you answer, i'll know what's up...

the lovely margeaux

united states of tara
honestly, this is one of those shows that i knew was going to be good when i first started seeing the ads for it. it's a showtime original and at this point, showtime can be pretty well trusted to come correct with good tv. tara has multiple personalities and is a suburban housewife. she was on meds to keep her various personas under wraps; the show opens up as she's come off the meds and is trying to live her day to day life and work through the triggers that 'cause her various others to pop out. toni collete is a riot, sean corbett (chris from k-bear circa northen exposure and the boyfriend who was WAY TOO GOOD FOR CARRIE on sex in the city) plays the loving husband to the teeth and even the kids bring real chops to the table. the show is bittersweet, it'll make you laugh and shake you like a crying baby with the sadder moments. but mostly you'll laugh. i say check it out.

a toilet a block away from where mom is crashing

music

charles manson? yeah. he makes good sounds.

in other music news, ada from tiny masters of today and the indelible el-p had birthdays yesterday. happy birthday to two of my favorite noise makers, hope your days were fun.

in other OTHER music news, i saw a myspace bulletin yesterday alerting me that blockhead's new album is done. i'm SOOOO STOKED!! it's called "the music scene" and set for a summer release. as most know, blockhead is one of my fave fave favorites, he's a fucking genius and i have yet to meet anyone who doesn't dig his tunes. you can check him out on myspace, the bulletin says he's gonna be putting tracks up on his page so you can get a sneak pic of the next LP. enjoy!

boys on wheels

johnny and i were sposed to go riding together but it was cold and icy so whatever. he sent me a video though and i love it so much it motivated a new blog section, boys on wheels (you have to sing it to the tune of duran duran's girls on film)

the meat and the berries

rollin' with the homies

so much to write, too much to write, not wanting to get started writing wholesale complex run-on sentences, here is a list:

-i left new york. not forever, just for a "while" [sabbatical with options, 6 months to a year]
-i'm in los angeles. highland park to be specific. staying with will and margeaux. they're wonderful and they make me really happy, not only by keeping a roof over by head but also by being awesome artists and really good friends and in general, hilarious people.

no caption needed

-i started a photoblog likeashotgun.blogspot.com. don't go to it yet 'cause there's nothing there, i'm still working out some HTML kinks and stuff but i'm gonna debut it on the next post.
-i'm on twitter now. fun fun. jessicaelainew is my username...that's my username pretty much everywhere...whatever...stalk me if you wanna. i'll stalk you back, i'm into stalking.

um, what else...i dunno man, i spent my last two months in new york waiting to get the hell out of new york. i'm not anti, certainly, but the moment had passed and i was sure ready to get on to some other stuff. i spent much of february on dawn and sof's couch watching daytime television and watching the sun move through the sky. garland did me the awesome favor of bringing some of my stuff up from bamatown and leaving it on the street in front of jesswiss' condo. while it kinda sucked to arrive to find my shit left on the street, it was nice to not have to see garland 'cause i never want to see him again so, garland, thanks for bringing my things and sparing me your presence! i've hardly ever been so excited to not see someone...then i packed 1/2 my stuff in the basement at jess's place and the other half into a little storage space in the navy yard and then i GTFO! i didn't really get to say goodbye to anyone but keeks and dawn 'cause they were around right before i got in the car to the airport but whatever, i hate goodbyes anyway and i'll be back. i always come back.

since i've been in town, i've been helping my mom with her court case, working with annie and the other interns at THE COMPANY to get the new space packed in and organized, hanging out with my brother and sister in long beach and hanging out with will, margeaux and their awesome, beautiful los angeles style friends, really enjoying myself. i get lots of good sleep, i'm practicing my french and studying philosophy everyday and taking buttloads of pictures. i highjacked my dad's nikon 'cause he kept saying things like "i don't ever pick it up" and to me, that sounds like "take this camera", which i did. that means that next post, you'll be seeing jessica elaine's works on film, the first shots i've done on 35mm in 8 years.

dad's nikon which i've taken to calling 'baby d', natch

it's been fun getting back into the swing of being an art bum and a californian. it takes mad long to get anywhere 'cause things are so spread out and i have to take the bus or the train everywhere; dad lives in long beach, mom lives in west LA and i'm out in highland park...i still gotta get out to palmdale to see my grandparents and cousins and up to nocal to see my other grandparents and cousins but it feels good to be "home" and it's nice to be able to wear shorts and flip flops every day, even if it is a teeny bit chillier and rainier on some days than i was hoping for. that said, i'm gonna call this a post and head off to put the finishing touches on the photo blog so that next post i can officially debut GOZEN which is already my pride and joy, even though at the moment it's an html clusterfuck. oh wait, i have to do my shoutouts:

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME OUT IN NEW YORK: marissa, jimmy and stiffany (and dom and bella), dawn and sofia, jennikid, marisha, jesswiss, keeks, phil, miki, miguel, nucomme, muonja and rich, geeta and geni

thanks for the couches, beds, meals, shoulders to lean on, plane tickets, keys to your places, places to store my stuff, spliffs, wine, cigarettes and everything else that may have been left out. i was ready to get out, but certainly not because i was lacking in friends by any means. i miss you guys already.

special thanks to mjz for taking time out of his busy schedule to make stains with me

not dead yet

2009-01-08T17:01:00.000-08:00

down, fort greene, 2008

up, west village (geeta's old rooftop), 2008

four by kierra
four is a magic number
kierra is a magic girl

kierra is a blogger now, check her here

rosstube
youtube.com selections by my good friend ross middleton

esther!!!

feeling fat?

pleez esplain

johnny, canarsie, 2009

larry, canarsie, 2009

mater dolor, canarsie, 2009

night lights, canarsie, 2009
from my first trip to canarsie

things you should know
ignorantia neminem excusat

your: possesive form of the pronoun 'you'. is that your body bag or mine?
you're: you + are. you're gonna have to save up if you want to get a liposuction and a rhinoplasty.

now you know. do it wrong again, get punched. k? k.

wisława, dekalb ave, 2009

alton, dekalb ave, 2009
these two images are from a new series on which i'm working called
"if we can't sit at the table let's knock the fucking legs off"
it's about trees

music

the very best of cat stevens, cat stevens/yusuf islam
i like to say that cat stevens invented emo. happy rythyms and sad lyrics? this dude is the king, not to mention the fact that homeboy is completely insane. we all know i love crazy people AND folks that get denied entry to the states. that speaks to something. yusuf is good tunes to carry through SHITTY TIMES. big ups to yusuf islam!! malakim salam.

funcrusher plus, company flow
remember my el-p phase? i claimed it was over but that was a lie. since i heard the first four bars of fantastic damage about 6 years ago, i've been quietly obssessed with this medium sized red haired rapper. i hear from a little birdie that this one is due for a re-release sometime this year which is great 'cause you can't buy it new these days. basically, anything el-p touches, you need to hear, at least according to me. if i was to start a fascist government and i myself could not be the figurehead, i'd see if el-p would be willing to submit a resume. i saw him on the street last week and almost shat myself. i love redheads.

quinta

kierra

dawn
from the series
3 girls, taaffe pl, 2008

movies

bagdad café
you guys seen this movie? so good. it's a love story where the lovers never make love and those are always my favorite kinds of stories. i'm not gonna get into it too much 'cause talking about art is like dancing about architecture (i will give you five dollars (when i get a job) if you can name the bad indie starring angelina "my crotch is a machine" jolie from which i pulled that quote) but i will say that if you're into theatre, you like indies and a touch of surrealism or you're in a really really shitty mood and you need a reason not to stab yourself in the stomach, this one is for you. cch pounder and marriane sägebrecht bring it for real in this flick. rent it!

chungking express
god, wong kar-wai. speaking of movies where the lovers never make love, movies with a touch of surrealism, this one is a keeper. outside of the linear "plot + character arch + neat bow = movie" structure of most american full lengths, there exists what i like to call "the poetry of film". so what if nothing actually happens or if what happens makes no sense? how about we watch a scene just to see what people do and how...the universalities of life are insurmountable and kar-wai's movies express this with such a lovely tension. this dude loves kubrick and it shows, tarantino loves this guy and i think that shows too...

candids from the CAUGHT series, 2008/2009

they know i'm watching, they're watching back

žižek!!
commie corner

from violence: six sideways reflections

pg. 47
the experience that we have of our lives from within, the story we tell ourselves about ourselves in order to account for what we are doing, is fundamentally a lie--the truth lies outside, in what we do.

pg. 56
finding oneself in the position of the beloved is so violent, traumatic even: being loved makes me feel directly the gap between what i am as a determinate being and the unfathomable X in me which causes love...

pg. 76 (speaking about riots in the suburbs of france c. autumn 2005)
what does our celebrated freedom of choice serve, when the only choice is between playing by the rules and (self-)destructive violence?...[the riots] are what lacan called a passage a l'acte-an impulsive movement into action which can't be translated into speech or thought and carries with it an intolerable weight of frustration...they were neither offering a solution nor constituting a movement for providing a solution. their aim was to create a problem, to signal that they were a problem that could no longer be ignored. this is why violence was neccessary. had they organized a non-violent march, all they would have got was a small note on the bottom of a page...

taking, 2008/2009
pictures of people taking pictures

the meat and the berries

i'm existing so far inside of myself that it's like i'm not even here anymore. plagued by an intense loneliness, melting south like those fancy houses in the LA hills that lapse down onto the 405 when it rains too hard and the earth gets to quivering; involuntarily celibate, unemployed, drifting...it's hard times in my dome. i regularly lower my heart and shoulders and leak like making waste of emptiness, if such a thing were possible. i don't move, i sit for hours, 3, 10, 18 hours, maybe a day or two without moving and i find fraternity with all the stillness, the stillness of the walls and the floor; commonplace objects are scattered in commonplace ways, they don't sleep or close their eyes and neither do i, the light passes over us all, all over us, over and over. let's be still and let the pain ride (another five dollars to the person who can site that quote (hint* the author was a cancer and died of having blown his own brains out)).

rat tar

andrew laumann

3 self portraits from "i'm so tired", 2006

this dude is my new favorite photographer. i won't say much, he's got a blog where you can see all that needs to be said, click here.

meriem bennani

meriem delicious

so i'm cat sitting for my friend phil; phil has two roomies, one of whom is sam who has a girlfriend named meriem who gave sam possibly the most precious gift i've ever seen, a hand drawn tarot deck. so amazing, when i saw it i felt like she'd made it for me.

meriem's work can be seen at her site. i'm a big fan of works on paper and meriem's work is well worth my big fandom. watch out for an interview with ms. bennani once this whole "depressive fit" madness is over. till then, go see her site, gaze on her work and be amazed and filled with hope that maybe one day you'll have a girlfriend so lovely...

jason mecier

ross is in the throws of a passionate depression too and thank god for that 'cause there's nothing worse than feeling like you're the only one who hates yourself/life. luckily for me and for ross, his outlet for his madness is finding new things to be excited about, like jason mecier, who does mosaic portraits of celebrities that will blow your mind. check him out here

jerome karsenti

i can't read the words on this guy's site and i have no idea how it is that i came across his work but i like it a bunch and who needs words when you've got images. wooty woot...check him out here.

jessica elaine

baby baby baby, 2009

hey, guess what, i can draw! but only if i wanna bone ya. phil gave me some colored pencils for christmas (thanks phil!!!) so i took it upon myself to engage in a little regression, a little obsession and four hours of staring really hard at a picture from baby dayliner's myspace page. i think it's a pretty effing decent portrait, eh? eh?

post script
gozen and here we rest need you!

i'm trying to do lots of things. two things that you or someone you know might be able to help me do:

1. MAKE MPGS
i have a whole bunch of still images that i want to make into short stop-motion flicks. anybody know/have the software to make a series of jpgs into mpgs? get at me!!

2. MAKE GOZEN PRETTY
gozen is my photography stuff and soon, this blog will no longer house any of my own artistic photos, only work by other people and photos i've taken to show you stuff like some art or some food i ate at some place. if you know how to change blogger blogs to make them look less tacky and more awesome GET AT ME!!! and quickly, i'm suffocating in this inability...

and remember PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE. bag that shit!

i'll stop acting, i'll be a carpenter (like jesus) ;(

2008-12-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

genevieve is the love of my life.

marissa schmarissa, that's what i always say

four by kierra
4 is a magic number
kierra is a magic girl

rosstube

youtube.com selections by my good friend ross middleton

things you should know
ignorantia neminem excusat

there: in or at that point, place, time, manner, respect. put it there, next to the dead bunny.
their: possesive form of 'they'. the store was cute but their pastie selection was whack.
they're: contraction of they are. the chicks from en vogue can blow but they're all kinda busted.

NONE OF THESE WORDS ARE INTERCHANGEABLE. EVER.
please don't make me hit you

ghosts of new york
2nd ave f stop

music

circus, britney spears
so whatever, i don't care if you crack jokes on me or brit brit. she's my homegirl. if madonna is the awesome aunt that tells you what a clitoris is and has you roll cigarettes for her, britney is the awesome older stepsister who shows you how to use tampons and swallow...and happens to be related to the aunt somehow. call it incest if you like but this is britney's best work and i'm very proud of her and happy for her.

dawn at noon bup bup ya mama

tiny masters of today
i think these kids are so damned cool. i love kids that rock out. i don't have an album (still gots no job/no funds) but i've been listening to them on myspace and they make me really happy. they're getting tons of press and that's great 'cause they rock harder than people three times both their ages. if you haven't checked them out, visit their myspace page. it's good stuff.

self portrait as a bicycle

babyshambles
you know that dude that like, does all those drugs and always wears beat up awesome outfits and has the worst teeth ever and used to date kate moss and like, two years ago kept getting arrested over and over again but for dumb shit that only rich druggies do? he's like proto-amy winehouse or whatever and he makes music and it's actually good. i like it alot. go listen and tell me if i'm wrong.

detail from one of the houses inside brooklyn museum
yes, they have houses in there. big ones.

free music!!!!
make a 20 track long mixtape and download it for free!!! do it here or, you guessed it, DON'T!!

here's my mixtape:

the meat and the berries

naked roger in the light on the couch

i shot a nude model this week. i can't show you most of the shots but i find this one especially lovely. i'll be doing nudes shoots all week, if you wanna get naked (or semi-nude or just pose for a portrait), be in touch. i'm trying to flash up my portfolio.

up

box o' barbies

my flyness sometimes contradicts my homelessness. but how? i'll tell you how, guys like philly. philly sells clothes and stuff on 10th ave between 43rd and 44th, he's got awesome trifles for mad cheap: leather jackets, new balance windbreakers, a box of barbie dolls, shoes, turquoise jewelry, portraits of jesus AND he's right next door to some of the best deep dish in new york. visit and tell him jessica sent you. he'll have no idea who "jessica" is but do it anyway.

philly, the man himself

my dear sweet lovely friend genevieve sent me a little bracelet from buenos aires and a little pink note (see first image of this post). i love genevieve. i love genevieve the way i love my fingers, like i would rather lose a pinky than lose geni and not just because she's beautiful and curly haired and funny and wonderful and 'cause she sends me perfect little bracelets and little pink notes. there are lots of reasons, too many to name. she's a good friend. she's my firecracker.

the little blue one is from my genisleeve

my ceramics lab at VIDEO

i had my first day of interning at VIDEO gallery this weekend. IT WAS AWESOME. it was just me and the resident artist, justin. we started the cold ass day with earl grey from the bodega. it was nice.

justin

justin makes art, does tattoos and has a killer record collection. we had some chat; we have similar view on the evils of capitalism and the awesomes of weaponry and war. he's gonna do my next tattoo, needless to say i'm SO STOKED!!! there's gear for screen printing and a butt ton of clay at the gallery and i have access to all of it. you're jealous. i decided to dive into the clay and made a sweet little pot, i'll be making as many pinch pots as i can over the holidays. peri runs the gallery and is gonna be getting the wares fired at suny purchase. i'm stoked, i haven't done ceramics since high school. very cathartic.

my desk at VIDEO. keep if official.

i went to brooklyn museum with marissa 'cause she wanted to see the gilbert and george stuff. i think i liked it more than anyone else we came across that day, especially the video. it's weird art, big statement pieces, sex, shit, politics, car bombings, two dudes in suits looking at you funny or naked and holding their butt cheeks apart. i can see how and why someone wouldn't like it but i recommend it nonetheless, even if it's just so you can say firsthand that it's dumb, like the blair witch project.

this is vito. he can tell/show you some groovy stuff.
he's usually on 4th or 5th floor. tell him jess says hi.
he won't know who i am but do it anyway.

if you don't like gilbert&george, try standing back some...

negro

i popped into the blacklist show...honestly, i was kinda over it before i went in. maybe that's bad of me to say but this is my blog so whatever, i've always been kinda bad at being a black person. the portraits were decent enough but i was underwhelmed. that said, i learned something: SLASH IS BLACK! who knew? there are a couple of macs in the exhibit where one can make a video in response to the exhibit, here's mine:

i'm famous!! wooot...

reverend dr. j sweetness and revered al sharpton
together at last

this guy thought gilbert and george was "cold"
i dug his outfit

duh sky

on the way to the museum, marissa and i stopped off twice and both stops were totally blogworthy.

calabar imports, prospect heights

STOP ONE: calabar imports. awesome awesome spot full of jewelry, hats, sculpture, clothes, scarves, oils, you name it. marissa found amber oil that she's been looking for since i met her and they sell nubian heritage soaps, the best smelling soaps ever. go visit, CALABAR IMPORTS,
820 washington avenue between lincoln place and st. john's place. atim, who runs the shop with her mum, also produces a periodical. check it out here. but read the rest of the blog first. i'm serious.

if you're gonna decorate, DECORATE!
tom's restaurant

STOP TWO: tom's restaurant. anyone who knows jessica elaine knows that jessica elaine LOVES diner food. since high school when i used to sneak off campus with day students (lucky bastards that had cars and didn't live at school like idiots) to go the agawam diner on route 1...i dunno, i just love diners, they feel like home. i have five favorites in the new york area: daisy's in park slope, westway in hell's kitchen, mike's in clinton hill, kellog's in billysburg and tom's in prospect park. you've probably been to tom's, it's pretty well known BUT, if you haven't, GO!!!! or don't. their sweet potato pancakes are off the wallet chain, fuh rilly. and hey, if you're ever in rowley, MA, go to the agawam. it's soooo good and if you're quiet about it, they'll let you smoke inside. oh, hey, i haven't smoked in over a month. woooooooo...

makin' my tummy horny

agawam, my first diner love
stolen from betsythedevine's flickr page

stripper kitchen
foodstuff by jimmy james

jimmy james putting the finishing touches on the recipe

spicy elbow mac turkey chizzle
1 onion
a bunch of garlic
sauteé that shit in oil
a few tomatoes, diced
3 small cans of tomato sauce
small can of chipotle chilis in adobo sauce
two regular sized cans of turkey chili

ingredients, yo

onion and garlic are sautéing, toss in the other stuff
add salt to taste and some sugar too
let it bubble and boil, low heat for at least a half hour, stirring occasionally
make some elbow pasta, like a box of it
once the bubble and boil ain't soupy, mix that shit yo
top with some parmesean or romano if you're feeling fancy
serves a buncha hungry fools

so effing yum

rat tar

dawn rocks the 3/4 profile like whoa

so dawn and i called ourselves gallery hopping last thursday. funnnny, we picked a freezing cold rainy day, we started ten blocks too low and three hours too late. we started (and ended) at COHAN AND LESLIE gallery whose walls were littered with photography for their PHOTOGRAPHIC WORKS: TO BENEFIT THE FOUNDATION FOR CONTEMPORARY ARTS show. the works of established famous folks hangs next to newcomers, which i think is cool. the ladies who worked there had snotty attitudes and dumb dresses/hair/faces but other than that, the show was awesome and i reccomend it. it hangs till the 20th so go visit, 138 tenth avenue between 18th and 19th. or, you know, don't. options. people love options. there was a bunch of good stuff but way too much for this blog. i'll likely highlight some of the newer artists next post.

beauty at the laundrymat

it's funny to me when two chicks go out together wearing basically the same shit.

need some ideas for christmas shopping? well, i have a friend, miki christopherson, who makes awesome awesome awesome jewelry. miki is based out of brooklyn and has divine fashion sense and a very cute face. check her out and buy her jewelry. there's no "or don't" here, i'm telling you to do it and i expect that you will because you love me and you know that our loved is based on you doing what i tell you and spending money on things that my friends have made. ahhhh, romance.

miki's wares. you know you want.
buy her stuff here

hey do you like to dance? i do. i went out dancing twice this week, flashy trashy at le poisson rouge (158 bleeker, thursdays from 9-4) and blocbabies at rehab (formerly midway, b btwn 2nd/3rd, sat from 10-9). dawn was my awesome wingwoman for both nights (jimmy made it out for blocbabies) and though she was not helpful in the least with getting baby d to put his tongue in my mouth (grrrrr), girlfriend HELD IT DOWN ON THE DANCEFLOOR. shout out to dawn. anyway, if you like to dance and don't mind a kinda douchey crowd, make it out for one of these nights. the music is well worth the bouncer with the s-curl who gave me trouble at the door. greasy son of a sea bisquit.

baby dayliner
making noise instead of making out

in closing, there's a young man by the name of nelson who, a few years ago, decided to take up skateboarding. he makes me really happy 'cause i got to watch him go from barely being able to stay on the board to doing nollies and barrel rolls. today, he's on youtube which i think is pretty goshdarn exciting. he's got some style too, sine dubio. check nelson's skill and remember, PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE!!!:

beautiful rat sunset

2008-12-08T23:45:00.000-08:00

so i didn't get that job i interviewed for and i wasn't sad about it. i've been reading satre and a book on the four noble truths. i'm worried that it's making me into an asshole 'cause i've stopped caring about like, a lot of things. i care. i want to have money again so i can do things like have a place to live. but that's really the extent of it. i don't want my phone back. i don't want to go back to buying shit 'cause i obviously don't need it if i'm doing such a good job of surviving without it. it's weird. more money=more problems. no money=??? i've picked out some videos to watch, videos that make me feel nice. i got into jack kerouac 'cause i liked the cover of on the road. jack kerouac introduced me to a few things not the least of which being jazz, buddhism and being a bum. i bought the jack kerouac collection, it's three cds of jack kerouac reading his steeze and after years and years of listening to it while i fall asleep, i've come to think of him as a close personal friend, i call him a nickname, ti-jean, in my head, even though i never met the dude and i hear he became a racist in his old age. hmm.

when i want to feel nice after a long day of not having a job and doing the things that unemployed, borderline homeless people do like walking around, reading that satre i was just talking about and going through the pile of abondoned clothing at the laundry mat to see if there's anything good in there, i sit down at someone's house. mostly jimmy's for most of the time i've been back in ny except more recently where i visited geeta then jenn then kierra...in that order. i lose track. my head is all fucked up from waking up some place different every day. but i like it somehow. i keeps me limber and humble. HARD PLACE wrote back after i notified them that they were picked for the myspace bests last post, they said the blog was "humble" and i was real charmed by that. what a compliment, a compliment worth bragging about. i love that word. fuck you kayne west. this is one of my all time favorite songs by one of my all time favorite bands

satre said everything is a choice. the noble truths say that there is suffering even in joy and there is, if you think about it, which i have, 'cause it only takes a couple of hours tops to apply for every job i'm skilled at on craigslist. satre said you are only your life and the things you do in the course of you life. so i can't just be unemployed and sad, that would be cowardice. so i take lots of pictures and make ideas and think big thoughts. i have the time to think big thoughts. the rule used to be [amber will vouch for this, i never let her engage me in conversations about anything heavy or broad like "life" or some shit] nothing bigger that a breadbox. i want small thoughts like "am i hungry?" 'yes.' okay, then "what do i want to eat?", 'bacon' and so on. bacon is smaller than a breadbox and so is my stomach. i couldn't deal with big things. they freaked me out. as a child, thinking about infinity would keep me awake at night. there is no end to counting. how do you THINK about something that has no end? and i would count to myself until i cried because the numbers would keep getting bigger and the bigger the numbers got, the more i realized that there was no god. there couldn't be. god would have made a finite world for me. only an asshole would make a world where there is no end to counting. i'm freaking out. so pj harvey, because i feel like she's freaking out too

so my head is fucked but i'm kinda used to that and i'm doing what i used to do when i was a kid, thinking big thoughts. they still scare the shit out of me but now it's in a sexy way at the same time. kate moss was discovered in an airport, she had just lost her virginity abroad and was flying home. way back in the 60's when kate moss did interviews, she said she felt that her new sexy aura had contributed to her being discovered. i read that and i was like, "man, i gotta bone" and i was right. sex and infinity or whatever, they get into your brain space. so anyway, this is the mittwoch blog post, what you're reading right now. this is stream of conscious writing and music videos, two of my favorite things. i hope you enjoy. and you don't have to feel guilty if you aren't reading this right now, even though you should be. and the arms and legs of other men were scattered all around, the pogues

i have embarassing ways of getting into new music and i think sideways about shit. i just decided those two things. i don't seek music out at all, i listen to what i like over and over again and i very seldom go for first listens. i have to like it the 49th time before i get into it. new shit is for people who haven't gotten over the old shit yet and i take forever to get over things. "hey, jess, listen to this, you'll like it" yeah sure. now, if it's playing and i hear it a fews times, maybe, but even that takes a while, like a year of me asking "who is this?" everytime you play it and then finally i buckle down. i think it's mostly because i like to really really dig something. i get all the way into it, like a full body condom. but what's funny is that over the course of my life, i've decided to try new shit for like, really whack and sometimes funny reasons. for instance, i got into the red hot chili peppers in high school i was OBSESSED with this boy jeff clyde. two boys i'm still obsessed with

jeff was into jaco pastorius too, and for good reason. i like how dude gets down both on his bass and in terms of his serious dance moves. i love cats that dance. what you wanna do is skip to 1:44 on the next one unless you had a crush on jeff clyde in high school too and you wanna watch jaco turn knobs on the amp and feel like maybe that'll bring you two closer together or whatever. shut up.

i shit you not, three years of pining, intense, belaboured longing. he played the bass and he had normal brown eyes but they had little flecks of like, hazel in them. it was on some like, totally impossible hottness. absofuckinglutely to die for. basically, it's safe to say that i had feelings in my pants and in my underpants for this boy and i heard that he was into the red hot chili peppers. i didn't even know if it was true, people! 12 years later i'm spending 60 bucks to buy some ultra rare john frusciante cd on ebay. what? for a cd? bitch, are you crazy? yes, utterly. i mean, i dig them now, it's not like i'm doing it to get up on jeff clyde. sadly, i saw him like, two years after he graduated and he had crossed over into totally unfuckable which was sad 'cause i got hotter by the second once i graduated high school. eh...hotter by the year until 19 then hotter by the second. yeah. haha, once i listened to noting but portishead for WEEKS

but uh, i saw rhcp play at the colisuem, the last show before the demolished it and built the staples center. new year's 2000. it was special shit. and john frusciante is my dog, yo. his solo albums stop time, no joke. i take heat sometimes, people discredit the peppers, i've read a lot of anti stuff 'cause they're jocky and poppy and anthony kiedis is a flamboyant dude. but whatever man, he's a californian, he's a person, he's a consumate something but that's all some shit we made up. they're music is poppy and funky as hell, it's very hard not to move while it's playing, at least for me. i love his music. i love that fucking band. all because of jeff clyde though! nutty. flea wrote a blog and i read it, he wrote from on the road in 1997 and i would read that shit and whatever flea said he was listening to, i would cop it and listen to it and make myself love it. the pixies, parliament, p.j. harvery, the pogues, all those bands that start with a 'p', i got into that shit 'cause flea said he dug it. mahalia, i got into 'cause my mom would play it SO EFFING LOUD every sunday morning when we didn't go to church. we usually went to church and got the loudless live but if we didn't, she would bring church to us. fallin' and risin' all of these years.

fela...the peppers have a b-side called "fela's cock", dope dope track and for years i was like, on the super sly, trying to find out who fela was. i felt like since flea knew, i should know but i didn't want to ask. i did the same thing with che guevara [i called him 'that t-shirt guy though 'cause i didn't know his name] and "bird". i never knew who those cats were but i refused to ask 'cause it seemed like everyone else knew. my logic is totally ass-elbowed sometimes. anyway, i was thinking about ALL of that because i'm digging this mountain goats album and the only reason i bought it is 'cause a.r. drops the mountain goats and john darnielle a lot so it was like i was brainwashed when i accidently read all his interviews and spent all those hours on youtube and stuff. this is another fave, got into yaggfu 'cause of an a.r. interview mention

"hey, jessica!" 'yeah?' "you say you got into different stuff for dumb reasons, what got you into aesop rock?" 'fuck you. a brooklyn industries ad.' i was walking down...i want to say 14th? when i was like, 20, when i first moved here, and i saw this picture of this dude on a ripped looking thing and i picked it up (i pick things up off the street regularly. i probably have the plague.) and it was this dude with big eyes, a big nose, big lips and his hands in the air with his head tilted back just so so. now, for those of you that are into the figure study and its symbolism like i am, hands over head, armpits exposed is sorta like position-speak for vulnerability, sexuality, a sorta youthful devil-may-care cum come-hither type thing. it's also the pre-requisite for a rap show. people with their hands down obviously don't know where they are. basically it's my favorite pose ever. the barbarini faun or sleeping satyr, the best sculpture ever, possibly the best piece of art ever, seen here

displays the pose. dude is alseep, that's already a vulnerable state for him, the object, to be in so we get to be powerful as we watch him. he doesn't know we're here, gazing, right? okay, and then dude is naked...but that doesn't mean so much in terms of when this piece was made, lots of dudes were naked, except it DOES mean a lot 'cause this is uh, not how the naked dudes were normally portrayed. they were posing holding staffs or leaning up against a discus. homeboy is passed the eff out with his legs spread, i can practically see his children. so it was a big deal and it wasn't. and another reason why it was both those things is the arms. showing your armpits is sexy in a weird weird way just because it's not something you do in most day to day movements. i always get a little sweaty when i can see up a shirt sleeve of an attractive male of the species. it's weird, i know. al jarreau is weird too, that's why i like him. my mom is a big fan. my ex was a fan too so it was hard to listen for a while but now when i think about him he's like a mist or something. i like the past because i never have to go back to it.

so anyway, i'm not saying that i saw a picture of aesop rock sleeping spread eagle desnudo or anything like that, i'd probably have shot myself in the foot if i'd seen that (and i mean that in a good way, if that makes sense) BUT that pose and the fact that his face is like...he's got like the male equivalent of a sophia loren or a pj harvey face; every feature on his face is the main feature. most people have one large or dominating feature and the rest falls back. big eyes, a big nose and a full mouth is a rare combo. so aesthetically, i was really wowed by the image i saw. i took it home and put it on my wall. at someone point i found out that homeboy made music and i checked it out, the rest is history. i got into doom real simple though. i checked him out 'cause he's a weirdo in a mask, i figured that would lead to good sounds and it did.

so, a.r. says the mountain goats are cool, i check them out and voila, the present, where i'm listening to beautiful rat sunset and writing perhaps the most round about album review possibly in history. luckily, the editor is me, so this is going to presss. muhuhahahaha. but seriously, i saw this album at virgin back when i had like, money or whatever and i was like "huh. the mountain goats. aesop rock likes the mountain goats." and then i bought it and it took a while 'cause it was behind the queue after mingus and baby d. the mountains mingus got me over el-p, baby d got me over mingus, the mountains goats got me over baby d. this song isn't on the album i got but the video is so righteous and you can tell that homeboy is utterly insane. insanity is the best place to start if you wanna do right.

but i'm kinda cheating on the mountain goats with britney spears. what? yeah, i said it. circus is hot. britney spears is hot. i have all of her shit. i love britney spears. if you have beef with brit, i'm not the one to talk to. meanwhile, if you want to barely resist the urge to half hump/half dance down the street singing to yourself, cop britney's newest. it's a pleaser, i think it's her best yet. "how'd you get into britney spears?" 'you say that like i had a choice. britney chose me.' i saved the best for last. no video action but you can just listen and let stuff happen in your head. best rap chorus like, ever? the classic underground styles of the urban masters, okay? now watch me while i invite underground...

if i did it: confession of the killer

2008-11-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

babies
broadway and canal

best tattoo ever
red hook brooklyn

o.j. simpson's going to jail.
sucks to be you, orenthal
collagery by kierra fields

a thing you should know

sarah silverman is not a puerto rican jew. perhaps you knew that already but remember, "a thing you should know" is not for things you "don't" know, it's for things you "should" know, i.e. things i didn't know until i found out in some slightly to mildly embarassing way. basically, i'm trying to save you some trouble. for some reason i thought sarah silverman was half puerto rican. she's not.

now you know.

atlantic terminal brooklyn

atlantic terminal brooklyn

video mixtape

music

i hate christmas
i love christmas lights
east new york

high hearts and low estates, baby dayliner
dudes...someone please buy me a life for christmas. no, just kidding, we're in a recession and i wouldn't want you to trample anyone to death in your haste. but seriously, i say "i haven't listened to anything else in like, a month. no joke." and some of you look at me funny and ask "is this guy serious right now? are you serious right now?" yes, dudes. yes on all counts. this is the geekiest thing that could ever make you want to buck your hips. high hearts and low estates is officially on my top ten best break up albums list. it's number 1 and number 10. how do i get a baby dayliner interview? gimme that for christmas. that whole "life" bit sounds kinda corny anyway...

new lots ave stop on the 3
east new york

i wear my trenchcoat on the inside
downtown f train
2nd ave

you are beautiful at all times, yppah
i hear some groovy music in a tv commercial and jimmy held his iphone up to the tv (jimmy's eyeballphone has some shazah or whatever it's called that can tell you what song is playing) and the iphone says it's this guy. i google him and i come across some emusic page that's all like, "try us for like a minute, long enough to download two albums for free and then immediately cancel your membership and don't spend a dime and we won't do anything about it" so OBVIOUSLY i did that and i got this album and i like it. it's trippy and the album art is like, gross and awesome. i don't remember what the tv commercial was for.

bowery and houston
manhattan

lovely rita
congrats to the waugh family!!!
red hook

POP-UP, yelle
so what about everything, this chick makes awesome pop that makes you feel like chewing pink bubble gum, roller skating and making out in the sun. i sing along and work on my accent, je ne veux pas d'un amour sans faille/trop parfait tu ne m'interresse pas...i do not want a flawless love, too much perfect you i'm not interested (after french 2 i'm sure my translations will improve). i'll put it to you this way, when i stop listening to baby dayliner for 9 hours every day, i spend two of those hours listening to yelle on myspace. she only has four songs. i don't have money to buy the album and i gave up downloading music without giving money to the artists as part of my being a better buddhist campaign so i'm waiting until i have a job. the only reason i've been going to job interviews is 'cause i want to buy music. check yelle out here.

cumberland and dekalb ave

movies!!!!

KUNG FU PANDA!!!
why the bold and exclamation points? that's like yelling, right? YES!! and i'll tell you why! this movie is awesome. for two minutes i was really uncomfortable, it takes a while to settle into these cgi pixar cartoons things, they look weird, everything is really smooth, dizziness arises, et cetera. then the story was a little too simple for me, i was like "whatever. how could a panda have a goose for a dad? that's dumb." half an hour later i was laughing hysterically as po and shifu sparred with a dumpling as bait (would a panda really eat a dumpling??), i was a little worried about the return of tai lung and when oogway met with the peachtree blossom petals, i felt like i was watching an awesome cartoon samurai movie with a deep but not too deep to understand buddhist message. there are no accidents, there is no secret ingredient.

b train over the manhattan bridge

27 dresses
i had no intention of seeing this movie. katherine heigl is cute and all but generally, romantic comedies are not my scene. i took great issue with katherine heigl's wardrobe, the writing was kinda "HEY, LOOK, WE DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS THE JOKE" at points but generally speaking, it was funny enough with the added bonus 1. of ed burns (he's hot and he knows what he's doing even if his lines are simple as a homogenous mix of sand and other sand) and 2. judy greer, adorable redheaded character actress who i've now seen in this movie, on californication as trixy the prostitute, in jawbreaker, adaptation, what women want, in a dr. pepper commerical and on episodes of undressed, the mtv young people soap opera circa 3am, 1999. the movie was pretty okay but judy greer is great and ed burns is really hot. and katherine heigl. she's in it. i like her teeth.

marisha the beautiful
bed-stuy
brooklyn

the passion of the christ
i don't know if you all know or whatever, but i kinda have a thing for jesus. he supports my basic general philosophy, that perfect people should be nailed to wooden crosses. i wouldn't give mel gibson any of my money, i couldn't, not after he got made fun of so bad on southpark BUT i knew i would watch the passion eventually 'cause jesus is in it. dude. talk about gore. intense gore, new levels of intense, specific "turn him over and continue" gore. but, we have to remember, this is the ancient romans we're talking about. the ancient romans would put you in a bag with a rabid dog, a monkey, a snake and a rooster and drown you. they didn't fuck about when it came to ending someone's life painfully. and they spoke latin. the nerd in me was happy as a lark to hear spoken latin. and jesus, it looked like getting nailed to a cross was super horrible, the worst and i think that's how it would have looked if it happened. this movie is definitely decent.

cream of some big building

park and some godawful upper east side cross street.

rat tar
seven degrees of paul jenkins

paul jenkins
abstract expressionist
american born (kansas, missouri), 1923-

yasuo kuniyoshi
modernist/orientalist
teacher of paul jenkins
american, born in japan, 1893-1953

kenneth hayes miller
urban realist
mentor/teacher of yasuo kuniyoshi
american, 1876-1952

isabel bishop
american social realist
student of kenneth miller
american (born cinncinati, ohio) 1902-1988

r. b. kitaj
'school of london'
described bishop as
"the best female artist america produced
(aside from cassatt)."
american born (chagrin falls, ohio) 1932-2007

percy horton
teacher of kitaj
british (1987-1970)

walter sickert
impressionist
teacher of horton
english, german born 1860-1942

edgar degas
(born hilaire-germain-edgar degas)
impressionist/realist
teacher of sickert
french 1834-1917

myspace bests

if you get enough idiots together, some of them are bound to be geniuses, id est, the internet. i scan myspace in my free time looking for firecrackers, the people who make it worthwhile to scan craigslist in one's free time. they are few and far between but they're out there and many are IN YOUR NETWORK!! here's what i've found so far. if you think that you or someone you know has potential for myspace bests, email me at jessicaelainew@gmail.com or send me myspace love myspace.com/badideadwhiteboy and i'll throw you in the running. the categories so far are best playlist and best picture but if someone has a really out of control "about me" section, send it my way.

best playlist

[Natalie] Nourick
a cancer in pennsylvania who's dreaming in technicolor
1. hurt, johnny cash
2. apocalyptic feasting, brain drill
3. shoot frank, cage
4. what a wonderful world, louis armstrong
5. take no chances, hangar 18
6. slowing down, anthony green
7. messengers, the handshake murderers
8. smoke & mirrors, rjd2

best pictures

poopie sanchez
yes, that's his real name

a 24 year old pisces from dc
currently residing in orlando, fl

messi jessi
21 year old armenian who looks good in purple
she'll make you sick!

footsolo
big sigh clutter world

hard place
i saw them live once in la. it was pretty goshdarn intense.

updates

i gave up my cat people for adoption 'cause the whole homeless with cats thing is kinda over circa always unless you're that dude who walks around midtown west with his cat balanced on his head. though i'm only homeless on the technicality of not having an address or any real estate that is mine by lease or deed, i'm deffo not capable of housing two felines while in my "hey, do you have a couch and wifi?" phase. all my go-tos had been gone to and didn't want to care for my cats till i got situated, which is understandable, 'cause my cats are crazy people. so, i'm pouring out some of my cherry coke for my bubbas who i will miss very much. peace out my homies...geez, i make it sound like they're dead. they aren't dead, they're still live cats, just not my cats anymore.

bye lovers. my sweet men. bed-stuy

essex st.
east new york

i'm still unemployed, been going to interviews, don't really care anymore but in a good way, if that makes sense. i have 7 dollars left. we'll see what happens. i found a quarter on the street yesterday and then i found a dollar today. if i keep up at this rate, in a week i'll have $16,384 which would be pretty sweet. i've been doing a lot of things on my be a better buddhist campaign like listening to žižek lectures, watching skate and fixie trick videos (new favorite awesome blogs in BLOGS I READ) and going to yoga, museums and galleries as often as possible. last gallery i visited was WORK gallery, owned and operated by a debonair young wrangler chap i like to call "my curly haired cancer friend":

when i found out this nut is a cancer i said to him "i know a lot of cancer boys" to which he replies, "they suck, right"

WORK gallery is currently housing the immaculate and vulnerable work of gabriela vainsencher, one of my new favorite people.

gabriela was gracious enough to allow me an improptu photo shoot during her opening at WORK gallery

her work is really too much for me to handle, right up every alley, alleys i didn't even know i had. the artist known as gabriela is very open to young bloggers like yours humbly and she's quite famous on the internet; she seems to be the only one of her on facebook and vimeo.com, where you can see her awesome videos:

What I do for you from Gabriela Vainsencher on Vimeo.

she also has a blog (of course, 'cause blogs are awesome) where she posts a daily drawing, the likes of which can be seen and purchased currently at WORK gallery. here are a few of my faves:

i'll be interviewing gabriela for a soon-to-come here we rest post so stay tuned in for the brain picking. i suggest that if you're in red hook or even if you aren't anywhere near red hook, you stop by WORK gallery, fri-sun 12-6 or by appointment, corner of union and van brunt, right next door to the scooter bodega where you can get your vespa proper tuned. gabriela's show features audio by ryan britt

britt never says 'no' to the camera or a subtle but delicious wardrobe choice. you should have seen his jeans, you should see his dance moves

a writer cum dapper beast on the dancefloor who does a daily short story series which can be read here. britt writes up a storm, more than any other person i know who writes. i'm gonna be interviewing him eventually...creative people are like roaches, there are a bajillion, the come out when it's dark and no matter what do you to them, they never really go away. awesome.

flowers 2nd and a manhattan

i hate christmas
i love christmas lights
bushwick

oh, i got an internship. i'm the newest member of VIDEO gallery in bushy j-train bushwick brooklyn

video gallery, bushwick
(i didn't take this photo)

(10 goodwin, one block east of broadway between grove and greene). it's pretty goddamned piss your pants exciting if you ask me. no one EVER responds to my resume, apparently i am not quite trunked out and on the mend enough to work for a gallery. EXCEPT THAT I AM! so, saturday from 12-6 for the next little while, i'll be sitting in the gallery, answering questions about art and artists for the guests of the VIDEO gallery space. i'm so beyond stoked. come visit and sign up to take screenprinting classes (20 bucks for three hours of learning). or don't. oh, and in celebration of my moving on up in the world, the blog will now be weekly. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!. there's just too much to write about and i'm too stoked. oh, and i'm writing an ep. the lp, all us sinners, will still be coming out next year and i'm shooting for a solid 100 poems. the ep, oh, shit: shorties and selfies, will be a short book of poems and self-portraits that you will like more than all other short books of poems and self-portraits that you read. don't believe me? here is a snippet just for you with love from me to you from me for you:

oh, shit: shorties and selfies

2009
hold your breath

domus priami
i say la la la la about it
i smile at the corner and split my lower lip in several places
content even though noble priam was slain at the altar
dragged through his son's blood with his son's body dragged around him
blood in the dirt and the city burned, the women kissed the posts,
sword buried up to the gleaming hilt in father priam's side
i sit in a rocking chair with a bladder drunk near to death on urine,
cramped toes, full of worry, still as rust.
"you will die" i say to myself as i shudder and my
jaw gets hard. "but not right now" and i get
so made of electricity, switched on and terrified that i almost
pee on myself. i think i do it all on purpose.

westway diner redecorated!!!!
williamsburg brooklyn

remember:
do or die or don't.

welcome back, frankie menalaus. i've missed you.

pool, ocean or other, howl and let your body tremble.

2008-11-21T07:13:00.000-08:00

to be victorious and to be defeated are equal. everything is filled to the brim and everything is equal and my struggle was worth my while. -don juan

a thing you should know

farther: used to describe distance, LITERAL
further: used to describe time or degree, FIGURATIVE

that bum derek spat his watermelon seed way farther than mine then, like a true jerk sauce meanie, further humiliated me by saying that i suck eggs like a weasel. what a bum.

now you know.

music

baby dayliner, all critics pass away
i'm trying to think of how to say this...okay, walk with me for a second. let's say you feel something on your arm. if you're like me, you don't need to know what it is, you already hate it, just for living, just for touching you. assuming it's a fly, a gnat, a mosquito, assuming it's another lame it's-the-80s-again hipster bum with a sythesizer who thinks he's the second coming of ian curtis or one of those little green bugs that looks like it won't bite you but totally does and then it itches for days, you brush it off and don't think twice about it. so let's say someone takes a picture of the moment just before you brush off the bug. turns out NO, it wasn't a chigger, a moth or a tick, no, it was a buprestidae, a prized and iridescent little jewel beetle, like little golden boy up there.

that's kinda what i did to baby dayliner. i'm sorry baby dayliner, please forgive me. when i finally had the crazy idea to actually listen to the music, i realized that he is a consumate modern musician and performer and that i am an idiot. anyway, you can download a few tracks from his website, send a friend request to his myspace page, buy his latest, critics pass away on itunes and, if you're like me, spend your free time watching the same video over and over again on youtube:

somewhere between the itty bitty gold chain and the subtle hump after the lyric "turn rain into rainbows" at 2 mins 5 secs, i was done for. he djs with my favorite producer (sir blockhead) every saturday night. i go sometimes. you should go too. we could go together...

also, and, too, as well, blockhead writes a blog for the def jux website. there's a link in the "blogs i read" section. Sweeping Generalizations with Blockhead is the best place to go to keep up to date on girls who lie and say their friends are hot, how myspace has multiplied idiocy exponentially and, last but not least, the dangers of anal sex. and he's funny as hell. did i mention that?

movies

quantum of solace
yeah, i watched it. it was a movie, things blew up, the chick was hot but...uh...i dunno, man. it was kinda flat. i kinda didn't care. i kinda just wanted it to end so i could go back to watching baby dayliner videos. i have no idea what the movie was about. was there a diamond or a bomb? oh, i remember....eh, i'm still bored. daniel craig (or is it craig daniel?) is an awesome bond and he's hot, not my kinda hot but hot nonetheless...olga kurylenko, the hot bond chick, is really hot but uh...neither of them is hot enough to make up for how bored i was.

new section!!!

rat tar
high art for low lifes

SAINTS AND SCARS
touching base with los angeles based artist, william ambrose

i met sleepy eyed saint will at sarah lawrence in 2001 when i was walking up a hill he was walking down. if i list my five favorite people and my five favorite artists, will is on both lists. that's pretty much all i have to say. the triptychs below are all done by will, you should click on them to see them BIG and if you want more, he's got a site, williamambrose.com where you can feast your eyes.

hi will! how are you?
an X and a Y, then some percolating, then some more. i'm lots of water. some tubes, wires, other junk.. it all fits in there and lights go on and off and that's how i am. or, "feelin fine" if that's what you meant, saint j. and you? so i guess i'm good, but an ass

i'm super, thanks for asking. i just got back to new york. when are you coming to visit me in new york?

soon. i saw rupaul at an opening i was just in, which i think means i'll be fabulously wealthy enough to get a plane ticket, or a bus pass or something pretty soon. you want to drink n draw again?

of course, always. next time i'm on the left coast, you and me baby. (drink n draw = get drunk and draw) so, you're a los angelian now. that's nutty. how is sunset blvd affecting you?

the drive from my old cramped apartment with cockroaches and ghetto birds with police lights circling above in echo park (approximately downtown) to the ocean on sunset is the best drive in town. you see the city change like dr.jekyl with a million faces. when i first moved here fresh from murderapolis i was playing Z, the my morning jacket album on repeat in my car (thanks cory) and learned this: the first half of the album is exactly what you want for driving to the ocean, getting out of the city and burning tiregrease smoke, sun amplified with smog radiation-killing everything and everyone burning under it--escaping the long city and gunning it to the ocean with music made by guys screaming like madjoy dervishes in a rented greenhouse in nebraska or somewhere all ecstatic beatific joy making you want to jump out of your seat or punch your fist through a window because you're finally escaping and can't believe it--and then of course the ocean hits you and you do jump out of the car. then at the halfway point (which is exactly 3 minutes into track five--or, halfway through the halfpoint song) a complete shift happens in the music which is perfect for the drive back. The music shifts from this sunny exuberance to a moody ponderous darkness, something dangerous, about the black palms silhouetting an inky purple sky as the neon lights start to blink on and you glide under and into the night.

gee willickers batman. we'll have to play that the next time we drive to the beach, eh? hopefully we'll miss the ass kicking sunset blvd traffic this time...speaking of traffic, what are some things you really hate about yourself?
twisted my leg today, didn't like that. but i get along better thinking positively about things that happen. i'm too poor to eat, well i guess i don't need to clean any dishes. just got thrown out of a house with my clothes in trash bags, guess i don't need to pack. car broke down, walking is good for you--and you see more that way, plus, car payments blow. a dog bit your face, now you've got an excuse for being ugly. see?

makes perfect sense to me. i've been trying to think of things that way myself. got fired, now i don't have to go to work. awesome. i think we're on a similar wavelength.

when was the last time you contemplated the palm tree? as a californian, i often find myself missing the palms...

as a transplanted minnesotan i find myself missing deciduous trees. like oaks. trees with leaves that change color in the seasons. and missing seasons. i don't like californian seasons which go from 72 and sunny to 105 and drought to 50foot wall of flame firestorms and dark ash from burning trailerparks in the sky. call me crazy.

you're crazy. tell me about an artist whose work makes you uncomfortable.

not so much an artist but the culture of the arts or galleries and openings makes me uncomfortable. with the exception of the last show at the world of wonder gallery a lot of the time you only see stuff on repeat: hipster owls or fake graffiti guys doing fake graffiti up at openings which end up being a bunch of folks who look like they took more time on their clothes than making whats hanging on the walls, but nobody's really looking at what's on the walls anyway and when you're the only one doing it or trying to take an interest, you get uncomfortable, frustrated, and go home to paint pictures on the floor until dawn. but thats me. i think thats how it was in new york too.

you were, that's why we're friends. yeah, i just went gallery hopping tonight actually...it was pretty much that except it's not fake graffiti it's like fake rauschenbergs that shame abstraction and dirty, swooshy zac efron hair. shudder. speaking of dumb hair, you ever get into sculpture? sculpture freaks me out. how do you feel about it?

so i have a girlfriend now and i'm pretty crazy about her and i want to do all these things and buy all this stuff for her but since i'm not made out of money sometimes you get creative, and the last thing i did i guess borders on sculpture. it borders on carpentry too. but like i said, you get creative. i wanted to build a bookshelf to go over the door to the kitchen so i took wood from an old bedframe and stuff from grocery store carts sawed it up nailed it together got some screws and brackets in there and now its up and she's got all these tiny bottles and jars she collects up there now. making something out of nothing or junk which also serves a purpose and has a form is pretty exciting. of course, when the next earthquake hits thats a doorframe we can't stand under.

dude, that sounds awesome. i wanna see a picture of that. i miss earthquakes. even though california isn't my home anymore, i'm deffo still a californian when it comes to natural disasters. where is home for you? are you a californian or a minnesotan in california? what are you, william ambrose?

i was born in a blizzard. i might as well have North stamped on my forehead or tattooed on my arm, because that's always going to be where i'm from. ..speaking of tattoos, what are your thoughts on them? i know you have some nice ones. the other day i was noticing all kinds of little scars and marks from here and there on my arms and knuckles. those are my tattoos. then i was thinking about cutters, who also have scar/tattoos, but that seemed different or artificial in the sense tattoos are: when you're choosing how and when and where they go. so, i've got a little roadmap of different things on my body that happen when they happen, small enough to be like hobo marks on fences (can't see unless you're looking for them) which mark passes along the way. old fight scars on my right elbow, old burn from a restaurant i used to work at which stays because it was a burn made on top of burn after burn on the same place that started out looking like a kiss from white lips then an apple then a crescent moon and now just a mark i can find... a scratch on my arm from an old girlfriend which never went away, knuckle mark from the affliction this summer... maybe someone will invent a tattoo you can only see under a blacklight.

will's blood on will's elbow

scars are way more hardcore than tattoos could ever be 'cause scars are free. free things are always more hardcore than things you have to pay for. but my tattoos are awesome, the best. i notice you have a pretty lady...do your sexual/romantic interactions tend to have an affect on your work quality or quantity? my work tends to sucks when i'm getting laid.
you noticed that? i think that was the violent femmes curse. all that angsty music about wanting to get laid and then they got famous and kept getting laid and didn't have anything else to talk about. i think for some of us we never stop wanting to make it, sometimes you sidetrack, but you find ways to make it happen. to get past the lovers vortex dilemma, always being around each other and trying to get anything done but failing, i started painting at a converted maternity ward in echo park called the clinic which drew selna and chris stewart (stewie) are building from the ground up to be artist spaces/ a recording studio/darkroom/salon etc. which was a great frenzy of sawdust and walls going up or coming down hammers and stained glass windows setting in, really an exciting thing to be a part of, an energy and enthusiasm like that--but still easier to work in than in a lovers trance, if you get me. (definitely check the place out when you get back to LA and tell your friends, its next door to the Echo. good people there) ...Now i get to painting pretty much the same as before i met margeaux, which was starting around midnight when it gets quiet except for the alley cats screaming and get into a trance where i don't know where i am and everything else sort of blacks out except for what's in front of me on the canvas or paper or whatever i'm aiming at, then go til dawn when the city wakes up again. but now its when the house is quiet and our dog is asleep and everything turns back to stillness so i can crawl back into my head where it gets loud inside and the music starts up and concentrate on what's in front of me, what i'm painting on the kitchen floor. you roll with it. in the morning i can concentrate on what's in front of me again, and its pretty nice that its her.

i love that you say "aiming at". i was thinking about the violence of art, like how a photographer "shoots" or "captures" an image. you aiming at the paper/canvas/surface fits in there, i think. you murder common objects into art, will! MURDERER!!! okay, let's think of a good last question...when you eat a slice of pizza, do you fold it in half? do you swab off the oil? use parmesean? oregano? red pepper flakes? garlic salt? eh? eh? EH?

all of it.

nice. that's why you're my hero, will. you go all the way.
nice talking saint j. take it easy. and lets drink and draw again soon. margeaux will take photos. ever think about doing a photo interview? i know someone good

ooooh, enticing. wait, can i interview margeaux? OMG!

the meat and the berries

hi guys! um, i was bored with the blog so i tried to make it better. i hope you enjoy. i'm trying to make it something that's worth reading even if you don't care whether or not i have a job yet. you know, blog rhymes with pog. remember that. but yeah, the blog was originally to let eveyone know that i'm not dead in alabama but uh, you can check my myspace profile to see if i'm still alive, when you come here you should be getting more than just a glorified journal entry, at least according to me. so i'm interviewing my friends, gallery hopping, reading, taking pictures, listening and trying my darnest to write well all with the specific goal of bringing you a fun read. if you don't enjoy my blog i hate you.

yeah so i went gallery hopping tonight, i was suppossed to meet miguel but i was like 2 hours late and i still have no phone so that didn't happen. i saw a lot of art that i don't get. it's hard for me to say that i don't like a certain piece 'cause...there's a dialogue between work and audience and then there's the conversation between work, audience and history. personal history and art history play into what the audience hears from the work. that said, 'liking' something is an emotional response relative to experience where the relationship between the work and history is unchanging; my feelings change and are unimportant, what is the greater dialogue? that's my big question when i stand in front of something...if i'm a historian. tonight, i was not a historian, i was just jessica. i won't say that i didn't like it but i definitely didn't get most of what i saw tonight. then, i stopped at the robert miller gallery where the word was very getable. the exhibition focused on small scale american abstraction. oh, what? what? jessica is obssessed with abstraction? really? who knew?

Untitled, SF 64-171, sam francis

this is by sam francis, a now dead, american (californian!) painter. we won't get too deep into anything here but what i like about most his work is the way these abstractions occupy the cavas space, the way a concrete thing would occupy 'real' space. in sf 61-171, the abstract seems to hover in white space until the drip and the little splashy dots are considered and the canvas is acnkoelwedged as existing below the color. the abstract knows how real the real is in francis' work.

in another untitled work (to the right), francis lets the abstract color/shapes relate to each other in a concrete fashion, the yellow seems to fold where light meets dark, the red falls back in space, the loosness of the strokes low in the canvas attest to some distance, some things pop and other fade, just like in real life which is nutty to me.

i can't explain all the reasons i like francis' work but i can't explain any of the reasons why i like franz kline, seen below.
he's using the same device, if one could call if that, of bringing a sort of realness to these abstractions...but then again, so does every abstract artist...i like things when i can't explain why i like them and in the end, if you ask me every reason why i like abstract, i can't tell you that, not even close. the renaissance was 400 years long buddy, studying seems to be taking nearly as long. while i love order (and am so excited about being in school for another decade!) like any other nerd, my eyes get tired of seeing things on canvas that they can see in real life. BORING! yawn...

painting number 2, franz kline

of course, with that said, you can't too get abstract or you lose me. i don't know where the line is between abstract and too-abstract-for-jessica but i do know that it exists, i stand in front of it and my mind goes "huh?" and not in the "ooh, what is it?" kinda way, more in the "why am i looking at this? i should stop looking at this." kinda way. but we're not here to talk about what i don' t like, that's for someone else's blog. more art!

adolph gottlieb, jetsam

symmetry! but no! it's not symmtery my pet, it's ALMOST SYMMETRY which is arugably better. and don't get me started on how glorious these colors are; they're chalky and sexy all at once, the white seems like it's still wet. i love it. two circles, two definable shapes over a...a what? a mass of white paint fallings? droppings? drippings? they make the imperfect circles perfect by comparison, the painting might be kinda boring without the white. am i making sense here? who knows.

okay, one more, una mas, just for me. i won't geek out over it but i will say that when i look at it, i feel like i'm there or i'm that. i feel like i've been there. i've been reading a lot about suffering and compassion 'cause i'm trying to be a better pseudo-buddhist. my suffering and your suffering are the same and anytime i try to act like they are different, i'm being delusional because of my ego, et cetera. i either feel what you're feeling right now, i've felt it before or i'll feel it soon/one day. i feel the same way about your suffering as i do about this painting. we'll leave it at that.

Albuquerque 9, Richard Diebenkorn

have you had enough? i hope not. i took some pictures and i found some nice little ending words by folks i love for you (but not too many, i'm sure your eyes are tired by now. mine are). enjoy and tune in next blog, same blog time, same blog channel. bring friends. and some money. and baby dayliner. or don't!

the time will come
when, with elation,
you will great yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say, sit here. eat.
you will love again the stranger who was your self.
give wine. give bread. give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who loved you

all your life, whom you have ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letter from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on your life.
-derek walcott

"if someone makes the mistake - as i think it often is made - of thinking that the major cause of suffering is outer circumstances, then it is very difficult to develop a method to free oneself of sorrow...our trouble is that when someone causes us distress, we usually don't feel that we have brought this sorrow on ourselves. rather, we simply focus on the external forces involved. we say "that person or that thing really makes me unhappy." this make our sorrow grow more powerful...to be concise, the intensity of sorrow will vary in direct proportion to the intensity of our feeling that "i am important.""
-tara tulku/rinpoche

"perhaps there is no greater love than that of a revolutionary couple where each of the two lovers is ready to abandon the other at any moment if the revolution demands it. it is along these lines that one shoud look for the non-perverse reading of christ's sacrifice of his message to judas: 'prove to me that i am everything to you, SO BETRAY ME on behalf of the revolutionary mission of both of us!'"
-zizek

i know that you're the most self-involved thing in the sky. my body doesn't mind at all. it's nature that nags me, you can satisfy an illusion that is ten feet tall...i'm a sucker for juiciness.
-ethan marunas

‘the earth is one,
not two’
i said
in the moonlit
cornfield at
the woods edge
but a huge bug
landed on my arm
to mock me
and the tree
waved at me
with its million eyes
va-v-a-vh-as-hh
all is same.
-ti-jean k.

"THROW YOUR QUOTE SIGNS IN THE AIR"

2008-11-07T22:15:00.000-08:00

364 electoral votes?

heck yeah dunnies.

music

charles mingus, the black saint and sinner lady: um, have you guys heard this album? i won't be holding hands till i meet the charles mingus reincarnate. if you can't dwarf a double bass, don't talk to me, i prolly hate you. <3

yma sumac, voice of ixtabay: i only know who this chick is 'cause jimmy told me that she's dead. turns out not only is she dead, she's gorgeous and she makes awesome noise. my kinda lady.

el-p, i'll sleep when you're dead: seriously, i'm so sick of liking this album. damned redhead.

movies

haven't seen anything new. que triste...

you guys ever get into mystery science theatre 3000? if so, i understand why. if not, i understand that too.

house: did cuddy and house just make out? they did, didn't they. you guys, tsk tsk.
dexter: i won't ruin it for you but jimmy smits is just what dexter needed, so far...
californication: runkel's money shot is a true family moment.
svu: i love ice-t

new fave blogs!!!

mma eruption by my surrogate boyfriend mikey
passport to trespass by some dude jesswis knows from vermont
and nicholas haggard by nicholas haggard, a person to whom i have no connection other than liking his photography. his site is not a blog, it's a...site. but whatever, i really like his work. i caught sight of his steeze via iheartphograph.com, an old favorite blog of mine.

updates

-i finally stopped freaking out (mostly)!
-did i tell you about the abscess i had where my wisdom tooth used to be? i stuck a pin in it, drained it, threw some tea tree oil on it, done deal!
-i'm applying for a PAID FULL TIME internship at an awesome awesome awesome museum (studio museum harlem)! wish me luck! or don't!

the meat and berries

haha. i started my first blog in 2002 when i got the boot from sarah lawrence, lived in massachusetts with my friend meg, her dad and some other troubled kid who lived in the attic for three months and then finally went back to california. i was all depressed so i started a blog about how much my life sucked. it was called the meat and berries. i just thought about how i used to sit up till all hours of the night doing exactly what i'm doing right now. anyway, the actual blog part of my blog will now be officially called the meat and berries because of all that stuff i just told you. so let it be written, so let it be done.

hi! not much going on, really. i'm dealing with my depression. i'm always dealing with it but moreso now 'cause the stress has really brought it to a head. my modus operandi for coping has been the same all my life consisting mainly of hibernation, stagnancy, introspection and artistic purging. after getting a big fat FAIL in relationships, new town/new life, employment, housing, friendship, health, cat care and clairvoyant rationality, i was feeling a little down. i kept trying to make myself function and then i was like, wait a minute, what's the rush? i'm a freaking academic, a hafling artist and i'm depressed as shit. i should enjoy it while i can. enjoy your depression? yeah, it makes no sense but it does. i've been ultra spooked about leaving the house but on the flip side of it, i hate leaving the house even when i'm feeling less sad so i should enjoy my time as a shut in. i took a chill pill on the whole "doing it right" scene, i'm just doing it for now. i'll get a job. eventually. till then, i figure i'm only gonna be unemployed and young once (ha) so i'd better enjoy while my flesh is still clining to my fat.

moving on, i was thinking about vin manzi. he's two special things, 1. my favorite photographer and 2. one of my oldest, bestest friends. i found a couple of his street candids which i super duper love:

i like vin's work because it never looks like anything but what it is. i was thinking real hard about vin and his street candids and his the-longer-you-look-at-it-the-better-it-gets style and i was thinking about my whatever you want to call it style and then i was at the moma with maria and i was like...huh. i wonder. and then i started taking pictures of maria and random people in the museum, first time i've ever shot strangers EVER. first 30 shots were total rubbish ash, so glad they're digital 'cause i'd be embarassed to see the negatives. then i hit my stride.

candid camera
except for the one where maria posed

while at zeemuseo de modern l'arte, i got to see an arturo herrera. you wanna talk about a dude with skills? eesh, this guy makes my skin crawl with his goodness:

google him next time you get bored. his disney in a blender style is enough to make you want to eat a tray of cupcakes just so you can puke it up, take pictures and write love letters to him on the backs of all the prints.

i'm getting my final check from mosex tomorrow AND i get the pin for my ebt card (whole foods, here i come!) AND i got a skype account so watch out, i may be calling you on the internet. so yeah, right, that was the point, i was gonna go to brooklyn museum today but i didn't. what i did do, aside from hanging out with jess, mikey and maria, making tacos, catching up with sir big wiz on instant messenger and joining becomeanex.org is TAKE SOME STILLDANCE PHOTOS! the first lo ilén melus/stilldance work to surface from a jessica who isn't feeling totally down and out. i had a frustrating morning, dealing with pressure and annoyance via email that had me so turned off my armpits were crying (you ever get frustration sweat? i do.) i thought it was gonna drag me down but it didn't, i kinda just shook really hard till it fell off then walked away. that has to mean i'm getting better and...i feel like i'm getting better which also has to mean i'm getting better. anyway:

lo ilén melus
stilldance
lobelia

timed stream

2008-11-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

i've just dared myself to post a blog in an hour. it's 2:51 pm. ready, set, go!

breakie with the surrogate boyfriend on a-day
sunset park

movies

eagle eye: saw it in "imax" but it didn't feel as big as when i saw africa: the serengeti on imax in 1994. there were no wildebeasts in eagle eye either, which was a letdown. the acting is solid, the writing is on-par with, if not better than the writing you'll find in your better action flicks, plot was solid. no sex, boo! but whatever, i liked it, even if it didn't fill my peripheral vision with wild boars.

only one way to go chelsea

disturbia: yes, i have been watching a lot of shia labeouf movies. i liked this one because there was a make out scene in it, and because it was decent and funny. the humor in this movie was definitely a high point. and that i got to see some tongue.

luscious lox
museum of sex

paris hilton's my new bff: sure, i'm an idiot. but i don't think paris hilton is. i used to think paris hilton was dumb as a bag of breadcrusts but that was back in like, 2001 when she was just a "party girl". the fact that she has flipped going out into a reason for anyone to care about her is sheer genius. this show is so stupid, the things that happen on this show are really stupid, the people on the show are like, utterly on another level BUT BUT BUT i find it interesting on a multi-dimensional level. we'll leave it at that.

light
hell's kitchen

house: there's some ridiculousness happening on this show. it's doing what formulaic dramas do and changing it's focus from the jobs of the characters to the lives of the characters. that's cool, i like to get attached to fake people on television, but i watch house because i want to see someones tongue explode, not because i want to get all involved emotionally. i feel like house is tricking me into being his girlfriend when all i wanna do is bone. boooooo!!

the side of some dude's face
hell's kitchen

law and order special victims unit: these bastards. they're doing the same kinda stuff house is doing but they been doing it longer so i can deal. all of a sudden we're getting all these cases that barely count as special victims cases and episodes that are thinly veiled political commentary that focus on civil rights and current taboo issues. i still watch it, it's still good, i still love ice-t but seriously where are the child molesters and rapists? that's what i watch this show for, for the sickos and the sick things they do. alas, svu knows i'm dickmatized and that i won't be going anywhere. i can't wait till tuesday.

repetition
hell's kitchen

californication: jimmy got me hooked on another one. i'm pissed because duchovny's character is basically a toned down hank chianski, and when i say "toned down" i mean barely, only barely. every episode i get an urban dictionary update, last week was "vaganus". priceless. he drinks, he smokes, he does coke off a whore's ass, what else could you ask for? it gets touchy feely 'cause he's trying to win his baby's momma back but by the time it does that, you've already seen a porn scene in the back of a moving van (literally). this guy punches cops, goes down on the wrong woman at a party, his best friend gets blackmailed by a suicide girl, his best friend's wife is a hot smurf cokehead bikini waxer (def my fave character), THIS SHOW IS AWESOME! i like it.

i ran into jean-michel in a bar
hell's kitchen

3:21. i wasted too much time on movies and i still have to upload photos. ass!

3:36. just wrote a whole bunch of boring stuff about politics and deleted it. oh, it's not 36, it's 47!! more ass!! ahhhh!!

music

basically, when i leave the house, i listen to el-p and if i'm at home, i listen to mingus. it's been helping my moods.

workin' wounded
museum of sex

updates

-i got a job at the museum of sex! yay!!!
-i got fired from my job at the museum of sex! boooooo!!!
-i'm staying at jimmy's, i'm about to take the cats to alicia's house (she's my new hero) to be taken care of till i get a place and i sent out OMG 5 resumes this morning. whew.

duvet 1
hell's kitchen

it's 4:08!! that's more than an hour! but i'm convinced i can do it. i have to pee, clean the litter box, pack up hte cats and be out of here in...half an hour. but first, i have to finish this blog. i haven't posted a blog in a while and it doesn't make sense to have a blog if you never write blog posts. let's do make a list:

-i haven't been doing ANYTHING. for two weeks, i went to work at the museum. one day, i called in and stayed in bed at marisha's house all day. the next day i went to visit my cats and got kicked out in the rain with the cats (FUNNNYYY!!!). the day after that i went to work and got fired. so then i was like, you know, kinda sad for like...a while.

-THEN, i found someone to take care of my cats!!! OMG, big deal, awesome. on my way over there as soon as i stop being indulgent. also, i emailed my dad for the first time in a year 'cause my mom's storage was mere days away from being emptied and its contents auctioned (TOTAL BUMMER!!). told dad about all that, and all the other crap. he was sympathetic, sent some cash and then i guess this is the part where we go back to not talking to each other? i don't really know. (confused face)

-i got fired, i mentioned that already, but it's kinda hard to be exactly 'sad' about losing a job in a museum gift shop. i was sad, but that just mean i had to find another job, which isn't such a horrible thing when you think about it, which i did, for two days.

-so i applied for a whole bunch of jobs! and did some sudoku! and watched my cats run around! i feel like i've done a lot.

-i've got an abscess where my wisdom tooth used to be. that's whaaaaaack....going to the dentist on monday. wish me luck.

duvet 2
hell's kitchen

other than that, there's pretty much a whole bunch of nothing going on but i'm not complaining. no news is good news. big ups to my homies in the pen.

which way the wind blows
hell's kitchen

notes from a totally enraged young person

2008-09-27T01:50:00.000-07:00

all photos in this post were taken in new orleans except for two which are noted.

capitall eff

the front porch, sarah and nathanael's place

movies

burn before reading: awesome acting, awesome story, typical, beautiful cohen style dialogue vs. little to no character arch for anyone; this didn't work for me as a full length but i still liked it. you call it, i'm not trying to keep anyone from this movie. hello? brad pitt george clooney? yeah.

across the street from sarah and nathanael's

michael clayton: i heard some bad reviews of this movie. those people who said those things are dumb.

rio/grey lover

lord of the rings trilody: OMFG, watched all three in a row for the first time in years. cried a lot. so good.

slow your roll

swastika breakfast

georgia rule: i heart lindsay lohan. this movie gets a c-. it's really bad. but guess what, a c- still passes. if this was medical school, georgia rule would be your doctor.

fútbol

life free or die/die hard part bajillion: love it. nothing bad to say about it.

guido's girls: grace jones and beyoncé

don't call me momma (train from alabama to louisiana)

tv

house: house is still an asshole, the writing is still formulaic, i still love it. missed the last few episodes of last season, have no idea what's going on, still love it.

two birds/one sky

law and order SVU: if i am ever the victim of a sex crime, i will not speak to anyone except olivia benson.

a plane

entourage: OH MY GOD MARK WAHLBERG. pardon me. i love this show and i love mark wahlberg. awesome. adam grenier is a cancer.

very loud birds

dexter: you are not ready for this season. i've seen the first five episodes (don't tell anyone i told you that) and you are just not effing ready.

i love sarah because she's skinny and always on time

music

i haven't actually listened to my ipod in a really long time. oh, before i left new orleans, i listened only to el-p's i'll sleep when you're dead and nothing else.

sketchy scorpios

gold and glass doin' it

updates

garland on jessica:
"you are abusive."
"You're a disturbed, narcissistic, and totally enraged young person"
"this whole stupid relationship, if you want to call it a relationship, has been something in your head"
"I'm not really angry. i'm relieved to be rid of you. just pissed that you keep writing to me."
"You are an extreme narcissist."
"You don't know how abusive you are. you can't know because you are not well and damn the person or peoples to hell who abused you to get you this way. I want to know how you are doing so if you want, please send updates"

i'm pregnant but suffice it to say, i will not be having garland's child for the above listed reasons. sick people should not reproduce, thank you garland sidney farwell for helping me to clear that up but more importantly THANK YOU ROE VS. WADE.

tandori tuna steak, pickled onions and sautéed spinach

lune over

s&n door detail

so anyway, hi guys! i'm back in new york, feels good. after i left garland, i stayed in new orleans for a while with sarah and nathanael (HI SARAH! HI NATHANAEL!) and was planning to stay permanently. sadly, i don't have the alchohol tolerance to live in new orleans and it's easier to have abortions in new york. plus, i missed my friends terribly and it only made sense to leave them when i was starting a new life with a fabulous man. once i realized that i was fantasizing the whole time, it made sense to beg jimmy to buy me a ticket home (thanks stripperface!). i'm in manhattan with jimmy, have been over the last few days, just eating and driving him crazy and talking about how big my boobs are. i can't wait to not be pregnant anymore (OH MY GO, SO OVER MORNING SICKNESS) but i really wish i could keep the boobs, man. these tits are awesome! check em:

my boobs, hell's kitchen

okay fine! the angle is kinda forced. sadly, they don't look nearly as big as they feel. but they're huge!

distorted perspective vs line

so, how about some real live babies, huh? all this talk of swolled up tetas reminded me...

carly and dan welome, of the ancient gugi line
cora jade berubé-arbello
4 september 2008

autumn and sam welcome, of the palmsized face

finn [name pending response from mama]
13 august 2008

natalie and tommy welcome, of the baby rockstar hands
dean thomas collins
4 july 2008

cuteness abounds! congrats to all the new mommas and poppas and the new miniature people. you guys, awwww. i love it.

lines, space, color

leaving, train somewhere between alabama and louisiana

communist bastard

i promised some poetry a few posts ago but the stuff i wrote while i was in alabama was pretty sucky. a poem titled "beer #4 and day #2 with a man who doesn't speak to me" is already off to a pretty depressing start so i deleted that vom pie and moved on to a more abstract and delicious approach. i coupled it with a stilldance from the first couple of days in new orleans:

3rd anniversary of history OR
long island linger part 1981 eats babybird nailed to chair OR
100 dollar a minute cardiotherapy under moonlight.

and

lo ilén melus/stilldance: giving up is not enough

my shadow on your body is enough
boy. what a gracious knee bend
triumphs the staring bed edge.
say goodbye, fort concavities do.
just hovering absent sea grasses,
your breathing sleep sounds fishes.

i mix myself in dancing neat squares,
fingers tied into bows, then picture
clumps of candy hair, a tangerine ring.

delight tiptoes to the spot where
neck pierced first i succumb,
mussed and queer while seven am
dusts the feathered floor. the room
is light on the horizon of coming
doom of doom felled fleeing in.

ii.

when your roomates return we
whisper, so lightless, only your
teeth reflecting moon reflecting
sun reflecting. you tell me to put
my tits on your back.

i was sure to fall
on the couch, on the bed, smells
of akward spirals. blind rats are
dragging us away. i'm watching
you get older key by key, saving
every picture so as not to forget
right now right now right now
only the hint of me there, horses
cowlick your mild arms.

there are two screaming howlings,
they settle the air away. should i miss?
(maybe)
begin it with why:
listening likes moments else
past high walls for a lot, simple
tells despite that fallen, not yet
fallen graces fucking funny and
sweet. i love silly hums, i find
felt, no one told a lie.

seems good how you miss because
however in whatever disappears.
reason turns to anger, i want anymore
at least twice. he is right, i don't
believe no because i don't believe.
"don't give upon me"
okay i won't!

iii.

very much unanswered, some light
shed. define 'it'
for a very long time i responded
in kind. 'it' feeling some way
in his me provided
and make each other for comfort
hoping they say they miss someone.

okay. we'll repeat the previous format
fleshing out go away.
because of all the things i didn't
where's running and hiding? a hard
chance to make 'it' understand better.
you think 'it' will go away. according
and an end, everything passed hasn't
convinced myself, worthy, that time
doesn't stick. hmmm, very confusing.
maybe you should cook it harder.

iv.

what if i told you he didn't care?
i wouldn't believe that stuff deleted,
deleted his too depressed to call drank
songs, stopped mentioning as i
could.
and that didn't work?
deep nope. go through still keeping
motionless holes around.

doesn't that mean you should try something else?
maybe breakdown and call him.
yeah, or email. we would wake up,
have some talk and disappear. the same
way always happened and never why,
"start being weird afterwards"
what he does won't tell, won't or
can't stop, every weekend or so
for a couple of months. i thought
it was the sex.

aside from this list, no. silence was
able to say 'jessica, i wanna hang out
between us for a while' after five
months of time when he's the only
one or even worse just hold me.
did it make you feel better?
herself, like this one, make
and villanize blame, judge my
side, justify the main draw like
'i want him only for me i want
a boyfriend i want a lover i want
him all the time' every once in
a while. when i left i made a list
of whenever go back. i'd like for
him to be on that list. we can
anything each other, loving is
good, i have no idea. his space
understands, stubborn, prone.
a month, a knowing week
i don't want you in my life pride or logic!

vi.

what a bad idea, jumping into this tasty hole
here inside you without forever!
lend me a new horse...

yellow lines, yellow shadows, not quite yellow

yay! okay. so anything else? yeah, shout outs to all my new orleans peeps, go saints! um, i'm staying with jimmy as i write this blog but by the time i post it i'll probably be staying with jess unless she doesn't email me back. my phone got cut off 'cause i spent my savings on that relationship that was all my head so i won't be taking or returning phone calls till i make some pettycash. soon i'll be back on the grid.

booted from myspace, i.

booted from myspace, ii.

okay!

2008-08-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

hi guys. i'm gonna post some of these photos i got so you can see 'em. here i go!!

this one i took from geeta's roof a day or two before garland came to fetch me. i was meaning to take pictures of geeta and ross, both of whom i love and adore, both of whom where with me when i was lookin' out over all that prettiness. of course, my camera died immediately after the photo so that never happened. the end. well, not the end end, just the end of the whole 'moment on geeta's roof' bit. but there's more, rest assured...i'll try not to be boring; i take mad pictures of the sky but i won't include all of them so y'all don't hate me. but i'll put some in. okay.

so, my choronolgy has always been super sucky. i can remember the home club jingle from before they ditched the required membership and became home depot but i can't remember what order things happened in last week. i used up all my ram!!! so anyway, these flicks may not have happened in the order which you'll be seeing them but whatever, man. history is what gets remembered, not what happens. thomas jefferson was an asshole! but we'll get to that later.

so garland arrived and we met up on the corner of myrtle and lewis in bed-stuy. he gave me a big sloppy kiss, our first kiss and then blah blah blah, i have no clue what happened after that. then we went to the park and were very cute as seen here:

and then i got all 'oooh, lookit mah man' and took this one...

he's so cute, right?

later on we went to the beer garden with muonja. i had one of rich's yummy salmon burgers and got wasted as pie. nuccome was calling me and everyone was hollering at me on the phone 'you gotta come over here and say goodbye!' but i was drunk as a pile of sheets so i didn't go. muonja the beautiful took a cute picture of me and my hubby though.

and then she and i had a little impromptu photo shoot in the truck...actually, this probably happened on the way to the beer garden and not from it but whatever. this MAH blog. I is the rule maker. only i and i! so anyway, here's me and muonja lookin' hot and drunk in the truck.

nice.

this was taken at some point in that day. i can tell 'cause of the shirt. otherwise, i have no idea where it fits in. funny though, that little triangle over garland's left shoulder. i love details.

so yeah, then i engaged in a week long teary goodbye fest. it was nutso. garland got in thursday morning, we were set to leave on tuesday, spent four days just hangin' out, kissing on the street and holding hands and stuff. monday we got down to it packing and what not and i started falling apart. tuesday came and went. then wednesday, i fell apart some more. thursday morning we took the cats to the aspca van to get enuchified and with that done and my pad packed, we finally jumped ship thursday at some point. i don't remember when. somewhere in there, i spent a whole bunch of time smokin' with marissa and talkin' shit with zach and that was fun. i love marissa. marissa shmarissa, that's what i always say.

isn't she cute? i made her hold that pose 'cause i've seen her do it so many times over the last few years. wanna smoke? of course i do. after we left my loving marissa's presence, we headed to the bistro so everyone could yell at me for leaving. it was an emotional night, too emotional really, i hated it and i freaked out and was really glad when it was over. i got a great shot with leah hamilton though. thank god for our feathery head pieces, my last overprized dekalb avenue purchase.

i like leah hamilton a lot. she gave me a heart to heart about all this engaged and leaving town madness. she said that she and i are a lot the same. i don't think i know myself or her well enough to yay or nay it but it was a nice moment, she's a nice lady and damn if she doesn't have great skin.

it wasn't that same night but at some point before i left, i caught an awesome moment with jelsen and bahareh, my favorite married couple aside from nucomme and ajamu. talk about two sweeties. cutest couple in fort greene, sine dubio.

can you believe this wasn't posed? some action was going down on myrtle and carlton and these two just had to cute it up while scoping the scene. très adorable. they blog too. i'm gonna put links to their blogs on here once i...learn how to do that. i gotta link to garland's blog too. so much to do. luckily i ain't got shit to do. moving on...

that's from prospect park. again, i'll try not to bore you with the arty stuff but in short, i'm into renaissance ideas/ideals these days. lines, perspective, color...i guess i break off into modernity too, breakdown of form (abstraction!!!!), repetition. all that. anyway, i like this photo. that's the point. it reminds of the renaissance or makes me feel renaissancey or something. whatever.

nucomme's big three oh was on the 11th so i went, of course and nobody yelled at me for leaving and i got to eat her killer bean dip and some sorta yummy spicy fake meat concoction. i'll miss nucomme's concoctions and SITUATIONS. word up. she was playing this song all about some girl who's moving to alabama and about how the girl was taking pictures and didn't even know the song was about her and i was all like 'hey, i'm moving to alabama!' that was funny.

and then blah blah blah and then we left.

my last photo in brooklyn. peace out bqe!

one of my last photos in new york

that's what the farwell family thinks of fast paced new york livin'. phooey! (but we'll be back to visit, promise)

on the way out, jersey had the nerve to show me some beautifulness. i said i'd not bore you with the sky shots but i can't resist this one. so lovely:

i went to miami just after garland and i started talking to each other and i told him that the sky there made me understand why folks believe in god. i never thought i'd say this (or anything nice) about jersey but damn if this doesn't me want to get down on my knees and open my mouth. i mean pray.

sooooo first stop was steve stern's, good old friend of garland's. the two of them hadn't seen each other in 15-20 years (there was some debate) so we drove to gettysburg so they could catch up and so that i could argue with steve about whether or not i commit selfless acts (i, for one, DO NOT believe in selflessness. even mother teresa got something out of it. everyone is self centered. FASCISM IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL SAVE US FROM OURSELVES! but you all aren't ready for all that yet.) steve teaches philosophy at gettysburg and doesn't get it on with his students. he has two cute puppy pups, little and sparky. we went on a tour of war stuff and the two old dues talked war and dead guys and stuff. i took pictures and tried to pay attention but it didn't work. i got some good shots though. check out these two geeks:

that's where abe lincoln gave some speech at some point. whatever. meanwhile in artfag land, here's what the inside of a canon looks like

here are some gettysboids (get it?)

and some typical big-things-from-far-away-so-they-look-small 'cause that's my steeze these days.

that's some famous dead general's hand. ask steve or garland, i'm sure they know.

some dude's head. hi some dude! how it be?

i made the boys walk me by the tourist spot 'cause i'm a tourist whore. we took some cute pictures.

garland took the one of me and you can tell 'cause he takes active/dynamic pictures at angles and whatnot. my pictures are always passive, formalist and kinda boring. hmmm...

i got some cool lines while steve and garland were ~~giving each other head~~ talking about history:

and when we bounced from steve's [by steve! i am a selfish woman!], somewhere in the carolina's or dc or whatever i got some more cool lines and subtle color shifts

or maybe that was still in gettysburg. i don't know.

so anyway, eventually we left steve and the dogs and got on the road. i was sick of taking pictures, sick of being on the road, sick of being in the truck, just plain old sick really, so i didn't take many photos till after we got home and settled a bit. ooops, i forgot, we tried to go to colonial williamsburg. we did go, we went, we got there and the bitch was closed. i took on picture of garland and then we left.

and i totally left this shot of garland and steven with some reinactors out of the gettysburg segment. i'm like, the worst blogger ever.

anyway, so all that happened and then finally we got home. finally. we're settling. we took a piggly wiggly trip and drove queen esther around to shake the dust off her. today we went to mississippi to see tropic thunder (BEST COMEDY OF THE YEAR. GO SEE IT OR DIE! FASCISM IS THE NEW BLACK!) and then hit up the walmart. we went with four items on our lists but being that it was walmart and we are american, left with 150 bucks worth of stuff we never knew we never needed, like my sixteen pack of mason jars. i'm such a nerd. anyway, we played dress up in the mall 'cause we're geeks:

god, what a hottie.
don't hate, appreciate.

there were a couple of truck/jeepie type things and i put one on my christmas list and got in it for a photo.

i'm hot, right?

after the movie i had another 'oh my god, ths sky! space! perspective, repetition!' moment:

and then i made garland pose in front of walmart

and then we made out in the truck and drove home and i ate some ramen and then started in on this and i'm just now finished and i didn't think it would take so long and i'm totally over it and i hate blogging blogging sucks what a dumb idea tune in next week for more agh carpel tunnel agh agh agh SOUTHERN NEGRO FASCISTS IS COMIN' TAH GET YA!!!!!!!

alba amo

2008-08-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

well then, hello hello hello. it's good to see you guys again. i missed you.

we arrived not too late last night outside the two story white house that will be my domicile until hubby and i make purchase of a new place; garland and i, jessica elaine, live together now on the grounds of the coleman arts center in york, alabama. nice.

for those of you who don't know, i've just now finished an approximately 6 year long stint as an ant in bedford-stuyves, brookyln, new york. i am originally from los angeles, california. i don't know why i moved to new york but when the moment arrived, i knew it was time for me to bounce, undoubtedly, indubitably, sine dubio (without doubt, son). despite my assuredness about needing a new home, i've never had so many fresh peeps, so many good shoulders upon which to rest my heavy head when weary, so many beautiful faces, so many folks i could rely on to hook up the 'situations', as it were. i miss my friends so i'm gonna do the damn thing and write a blog so i can feel like i'm still around even tho i sho ain't. i'm getting teary now...

i slept damn near all day or laid up staring out the window tryin' to acclimate myself to my new world. my fat baby seal husband hooked up the eggs and biscuits for breakfast; it's weird though, my appetite is all upfucked from the travel and emotion. also, i smoked my last last last last last last last ciggy this morning. withdrawal only takes about half an hour to set in, i know this 'cause i've quit prolly sixty-two or 3 hundred thousand times in the last two years. oh sweet, and i'm on the rag as well so i'm just a hodgepodge of displaced chemical madness, hormones rage then ebb, i forget where i am, nerve synapses fire, i remember the same thing over and over again, forgetting that i have a whole different everything now, even though i am so much the same. i left the kitty babies in my old apt with muonja the beautiful. poor little ones, all drunk, castrated and confused. if you know my cats and you have some free time, go visit. i want them to see familiar faces as much as they can until i can go fetch them. ask them to please forgive me for cutting off theirs balls and jumping ship before they had time to sober up and give me goodbye kisses.

i got crappy cell service in the piece so email me. i have a landline but i'm not gonna post that online 'cause...well, 'cause that's just dumb. i have no idea why this thing has decided to type in italics and i HATE IT when this happens. it's not letting me change it. anyway, i was gonna post all the pictures from before i left and the trip down but, like i said, i'm several hot blood clots and an aneurysm in a row on a platter, or maybe in a pile in a glass like a parfait. either way, you gets no images just yet, not till my heartburn ceases, not till i stop bleeding profusely and sniffling. i just looked over my screen to see that garland is busy as a belljar, resizing pictures of yours truly for his blog so if you want to see photos of this, that and the other, check him out at gf-in-alabama.blogspot.com in a couple hours or maybe tomorrow. i'm not sure how far along he is. he's such a cutey...

i miss you guys. i miss you something tender, like inner thigh flesh. i'm pissed as hell at all of you for not coming with me. fuckers. despite that, that sadness, that fresh knowingness that things are so very much different, i'm so happy to be home. more to come, with pictures and stuff too. i love you guys. i hate you all for making me love you so very much. assholes.

jessicaelainefarwell@gmail.com