OMG i hate this blog it's totally holding me back SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB. i love tumblr...so i'm killing this blog and i'm starting fresh over there. i started this blog when i ran off with garland because i was pathetic and depressed and then i got more pathetic and depressed and didn't wanna write about it online on more. AND THEN i started not feeling pathetic and depressed, i feel AWESOME. so fuck this blog. but if you're just starting, you should browse the old posts. i'm pretty funny. otherwise, check me out at here and thanks for reading http://isniceasajewel.tumblr.com

also...i haven't posted on here in 18 eternities...i've done some things while i've been gone. check it owt:

disappointism.tumblr.com

GZNjew.blogspot.com

and follow me on twitter jessicaelainew

that's all. remember, pulling out is not a contraceptive. bag that shit yo.

vacation

hi blog readers. i'm writing because i'm not going to be writing for a while and i figured i'd make it official. i'm in LA, things are going, i got a job, still living with will and margeaux, been riding buses and trains ALL OVER the los angeles area visiting folks and doing stuff...but uh, i don't have a computer anymore since mine died (SAD SAD SAD) and i don't have the kind of access i need to post this blog the way i want to. "but you're posting right now?" yeah, i noticed that too but generally, it takes me somewhere between 8 and 12 hours to post a blog what with uploading, the weird tics and flaws that blogger has, research, editing and so on and that's with a fast internet connection and a speedy computer, neither or which i have regular access to currently. so i'm on vacation from here we rest BUT there will be a return! since i got that job i mentioned above, i've started a fund to get myself a new computer and be back on the map. as soon as that happens, you'll be hearing a whole bunch from me. in the interim, i started a photo and video blog at http://likeashotgun.blogspot.com. i actually started it up a while ago but just recently got the html mostly worked out so it looks fancy and have been posting stuff. since there are no words, it takes me much less time to make a post. so anyway, stayed tuned, if you wanna be on the list to get an email when i finally do get back to posting, hit me up at jessicaelainew@gmail.com. or just send me a message about how you love me and how empty your life will be until i'm back posting on the regular. lots of stuff has been going down for me and for you as well, i'm sure, so there will be much to read and see when the time comes. all the best, keep up with me on twitter if you wanna (jessicaelainew) and i'll still be checking in to facebook and myspace and all the other social networking i can fit into my busy schedule. hahahahahahahaha. and remember, PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE! bag that shit yo. bag it for real. (also, trojan magnum ultra thins? don't mess with those things unless you want a wet spot and a pregnancy to deal with, f'sho.)

i don't miss it but i remember

me at roscoe's chicken and waffles, shot by my mom

LOS ANGELES IS NOT NEW YORK

-in n out burger, roscoe's chicken and waffles, canter's and el pollo loco (my fave eating spots) are all in los angeles but not new york.

first thing when i landed, i insisted that we go to in n out burger. for those that don't know, this is a double double, no lettuce, grilled onions and an order of fries,my fave way to stuff my face.

mom at roscoe's before a 1/2 chicken smothered in onion gravy, 2 waffles,
candied yams, collard greens and cheesey macaroni [HEAVEN].

-in new york the trains are fast and sometimes reek of urine, in los angeles the trains are clean and usually take mad long.
-in los angeles people don't talk to each other 'cause they're in cars and all spread out, in new york people are on the street and smooshed up on top of each other and they don't talk to each other 'cause they just don't.
-there are no palm trees in new york. shame.

a palm tree

-in los angeles you look out your window and you can see across the county to the snow capped mountains and beyond, in new york you look out your window and you can see across the street or, if you're really lucky, you see a brick wall.
-in new york everyone has cats, in los angeles, everyone has dogs.

mija

-there are buckets of donut shops in LA! i never noticed it before. it's nuts.
-in new york if you don't have money for the train you can risk hopping through and facing a $100 ticket for fare evasion, in los angeles they've got this honor system running; you don't HAVE to buy a ticket, you can just walk on BUT if you get caught, you get a $250 dollar ticket. huh.
-in los angles you can turn on red without ever getting in trouble (unless you hit someone), in new york you can jaywalk without ever getting in trouble (unless someone hits you).
-the hipsters are WAY hotter in new york but they're WAY bigger assholes too; people in general are way hotter in los angeles and the hot mexican constituent is off the door hinges. i swoon...
-the recession is alive and kicking in NY and LA and in both places, it takes hella hours in the welfare office to get food stamps. new york is faster though. step it up LA!

a bathroom break at the welfare office

-it's easier to get a smile on the street in LA and i'm learning to walk slowly. it's hard but i'm getting it.

rat tar

i caught one last opening at the WORK gallery, my favorite art spot in brooklyn. emily driscoll, the dearly departed painter/poet and co-founder of WORK gallery, much of whose work had never been seen publicly, had paintings from her college career up till just before her passing on display at the red tin shack.

the WORK gallery is one of the things i'll likely miss most about new york, just a little thing on a corner with a fire in a barrel (constructed of found objects by the waugh brothers) outside and a clusterbone of wacky, literate, self-aware works inside. i've been to every opening since...well, since the opening of the gallery. i missed one event, last month there was a fund raiser that i slept through 'cause i'm lame. but whatever, i held it down and i'll likely plan my future travels to new york around events happening at WORK gallery. the outdoor-multimedia-dance party that's happening in 11 april already has my ears perked. check out WORK here.




all the above works are by emily and look WAY better in real life; they hang until the 23rd of march, go check them out!!!

in other rat tar news, i'm an intern! i managed to line up a sweet little gig for myself at THE COMPANY, an art space in chinatown. i'm totally in love and really excited for my future with the space; not only am i an intern, i'm the new event photographer. fancy. you can check out their web presence here and check back at the blog for updates on openings and events. i don't get paid but annie, the woman who runs the gallery hooks up the foodstuffs like whoa:

yummy vietnamese veggie sandwhich that totally made my day, thanks annie!

movies

american heart
i haven't seen many movies this good. i caught this one on ifc by chance and was happy for it; the acting, writing and shooting of this film give jesus a run for his money. take a hint BRIDE WARS, this is what a movie is suppossed to by like! jeff bridges gives us an awesome look at a proto-dude style character, fresh out of jail, bumming it up and trying to get his life back together. his son is played by a young and awesome eddie furlong in a manner that made me wish that eddie would make more movies 'cause his acting chops are on point, even kiddie style. check this one out, it's a goodie.

self portrait from kinda far away on will and margeaux's porchy/baolcony thingy.
that's the couch i sleep on it's the most comfortable couch my rump has seen in a minute.

arizona dream
marissa had been telling me about this movie for years, about how it was her favorite and how it was awesome and stuff. one of the last things i did with marissa before i got out of dodge was to finally sit down and watch this movie with her. johnny depp is in it so from there you know it's gonna be a winner. it's surreal and lily taylor is a weirdo, beautiful and awesome as usual. faye dunaway and jerry lewis also bring the weirdness, the awesomeness and the beautifulness in this strange love story with a few great lines about new york including but not limited to "in new york, you can see everyone but no one can see you". i say check it out.

russian ark
i remember when this one came out about six (7?) years ago; it's a feature length film shot in one continuous shot, the only film to this day to be able to lay claim to such a feat. it's long. i fell asleep before it ended because of the beers and the food from the taco stand and the greens and the cookies that desiree made but i enjoyed it up until then. it's kinda like a critique of russianness. i think. but it's really beautiful and there's this old guy who's lost in time and space and he's really funny. plus i really like the sound of spoken russian. lovely language.

flowers in pasadena

tv

lie to me
my new favorite network tv show! it's a little dumbed down (lots of repetition of the fancy terms and close ups on the "hints" that lead to solving a case) and formulaic in the way that your typical cop drama will unfold with the exception that these folks aren't cops, they're a team of "deception experts" who know how to tell what's behind the myriad of human expressions and gestures. i really enjoy it and i'm hoping that by watching the show, i myself can become something of an amateur deception expert. next time i ask if you've been reading the blog, don't scratch your nose or look off to the left before you answer, i'll know what's up...

the lovely margeaux

united states of tara
honestly, this is one of those shows that i knew was going to be good when i first started seeing the ads for it. it's a showtime original and at this point, showtime can be pretty well trusted to come correct with good tv. tara has multiple personalities and is a suburban housewife. she was on meds to keep her various personas under wraps; the show opens up as she's come off the meds and is trying to live her day to day life and work through the triggers that 'cause her various others to pop out. toni collete is a riot, sean corbett (chris from k-bear circa northen exposure and the boyfriend who was WAY TOO GOOD FOR CARRIE on sex in the city) plays the loving husband to the teeth and even the kids bring real chops to the table. the show is bittersweet, it'll make you laugh and shake you like a crying baby with the sadder moments. but mostly you'll laugh. i say check it out.

a toilet a block away from where mom is crashing

music

charles manson? yeah. he makes good sounds.



in other music news, ada from tiny masters of today and the indelible el-p had birthdays yesterday. happy birthday to two of my favorite noise makers, hope your days were fun.

in other OTHER music news, i saw a myspace bulletin yesterday alerting me that blockhead's new album is done. i'm SOOOO STOKED!! it's called "the music scene" and set for a summer release. as most know, blockhead is one of my fave fave favorites, he's a fucking genius and i have yet to meet anyone who doesn't dig his tunes. you can check him out on myspace, the bulletin says he's gonna be putting tracks up on his page so you can get a sneak pic of the next LP. enjoy!

boys on wheels

johnny and i were sposed to go riding together but it was cold and icy so whatever. he sent me a video though and i love it so much it motivated a new blog section, boys on wheels (you have to sing it to the tune of duran duran's girls on film)

the meat and the berries

rollin' with the homies

so much to write, too much to write, not wanting to get started writing wholesale complex run-on sentences, here is a list:

-i left new york. not forever, just for a "while" [sabbatical with options, 6 months to a year]
-i'm in los angeles. highland park to be specific. staying with will and margeaux. they're wonderful and they make me really happy, not only by keeping a roof over by head but also by being awesome artists and really good friends and in general, hilarious people.

no caption needed

-i started a photoblog likeashotgun.blogspot.com. don't go to it yet 'cause there's nothing there, i'm still working out some HTML kinks and stuff but i'm gonna debut it on the next post.
-i'm on twitter now. fun fun. jessicaelainew is my username...that's my username pretty much everywhere...whatever...stalk me if you wanna. i'll stalk you back, i'm into stalking.

um, what else...i dunno man, i spent my last two months in new york waiting to get the hell out of new york. i'm not anti, certainly, but the moment had passed and i was sure ready to get on to some other stuff. i spent much of february on dawn and sof's couch watching daytime television and watching the sun move through the sky. garland did me the awesome favor of bringing some of my stuff up from bamatown and leaving it on the street in front of jesswiss' condo. while it kinda sucked to arrive to find my shit left on the street, it was nice to not have to see garland 'cause i never want to see him again so, garland, thanks for bringing my things and sparing me your presence! i've hardly ever been so excited to not see someone...then i packed 1/2 my stuff in the basement at jess's place and the other half into a little storage space in the navy yard and then i GTFO! i didn't really get to say goodbye to anyone but keeks and dawn 'cause they were around right before i got in the car to the airport but whatever, i hate goodbyes anyway and i'll be back. i always come back.

since i've been in town, i've been helping my mom with her court case, working with annie and the other interns at THE COMPANY to get the new space packed in and organized, hanging out with my brother and sister in long beach and hanging out with will, margeaux and their awesome, beautiful los angeles style friends, really enjoying myself. i get lots of good sleep, i'm practicing my french and studying philosophy everyday and taking buttloads of pictures. i highjacked my dad's nikon 'cause he kept saying things like "i don't ever pick it up" and to me, that sounds like "take this camera", which i did. that means that next post, you'll be seeing jessica elaine's works on film, the first shots i've done on 35mm in 8 years.

dad's nikon which i've taken to calling 'baby d', natch

it's been fun getting back into the swing of being an art bum and a californian. it takes mad long to get anywhere 'cause things are so spread out and i have to take the bus or the train everywhere; dad lives in long beach, mom lives in west LA and i'm out in highland park...i still gotta get out to palmdale to see my grandparents and cousins and up to nocal to see my other grandparents and cousins but it feels good to be "home" and it's nice to be able to wear shorts and flip flops every day, even if it is a teeny bit chillier and rainier on some days than i was hoping for. that said, i'm gonna call this a post and head off to put the finishing touches on the photo blog so that next post i can officially debut GOZEN which is already my pride and joy, even though at the moment it's an html clusterfuck. oh wait, i have to do my shoutouts:

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME OUT IN NEW YORK: marissa, jimmy and stiffany (and dom and bella), dawn and sofia, jennikid, marisha, jesswiss, keeks, phil, miki, miguel, nucomme, muonja and rich, geeta and geni

thanks for the couches, beds, meals, shoulders to lean on, plane tickets, keys to your places, places to store my stuff, spliffs, wine, cigarettes and everything else that may have been left out. i was ready to get out, but certainly not because i was lacking in friends by any means. i miss you guys already.

special thanks to mjz for taking time out of his busy schedule to make stains with me

not dead yet

down, fort greene, 2008

up, west village (geeta's old rooftop), 2008

four by kierra
four is a magic number
kierra is a magic girl

kierra is a blogger now, check her here

rosstube
youtube.com selections by my good friend ross middleton

esther!!!


feeling fat?

pleez esplain

johnny, canarsie, 2009

larry, canarsie, 2009

mater dolor, canarsie, 2009

night lights, canarsie, 2009
from my first trip to canarsie

things you should know
ignorantia neminem excusat

your: possesive form of the pronoun 'you'. is that your body bag or mine?
you're: you + are. you're gonna have to save up if you want to get a liposuction and a rhinoplasty.

now you know. do it wrong again, get punched. k? k.

wisława, dekalb ave, 2009

alton, dekalb ave, 2009
these two images are from a new series on which i'm working called
"if we can't sit at the table let's knock the fucking legs off"
it's about trees

music

the very best of cat stevens, cat stevens/yusuf islam
i like to say that cat stevens invented emo. happy rythyms and sad lyrics? this dude is the king, not to mention the fact that homeboy is completely insane. we all know i love crazy people AND folks that get denied entry to the states. that speaks to something. yusuf is good tunes to carry through SHITTY TIMES. big ups to yusuf islam!! malakim salam.

funcrusher plus, company flow
remember my el-p phase? i claimed it was over but that was a lie. since i heard the first four bars of fantastic damage about 6 years ago, i've been quietly obssessed with this medium sized red haired rapper. i hear from a little birdie that this one is due for a re-release sometime this year which is great 'cause you can't buy it new these days. basically, anything el-p touches, you need to hear, at least according to me. if i was to start a fascist government and i myself could not be the figurehead, i'd see if el-p would be willing to submit a resume. i saw him on the street last week and almost shat myself. i love redheads.

quinta

kierra

dawn
from the series
3 girls, taaffe pl, 2008

movies

bagdad café
you guys seen this movie? so good. it's a love story where the lovers never make love and those are always my favorite kinds of stories. i'm not gonna get into it too much 'cause talking about art is like dancing about architecture (i will give you five dollars (when i get a job) if you can name the bad indie starring angelina "my crotch is a machine" jolie from which i pulled that quote) but i will say that if you're into theatre, you like indies and a touch of surrealism or you're in a really really shitty mood and you need a reason not to stab yourself in the stomach, this one is for you. cch pounder and marriane sägebrecht bring it for real in this flick. rent it!

chungking express
god, wong kar-wai. speaking of movies where the lovers never make love, movies with a touch of surrealism, this one is a keeper. outside of the linear "plot + character arch + neat bow = movie" structure of most american full lengths, there exists what i like to call "the poetry of film". so what if nothing actually happens or if what happens makes no sense? how about we watch a scene just to see what people do and how...the universalities of life are insurmountable and kar-wai's movies express this with such a lovely tension. this dude loves kubrick and it shows, tarantino loves this guy and i think that shows too...

candids from the CAUGHT series, 2008/2009

they know i'm watching, they're watching back

žižek!!
commie corner

from violence: six sideways reflections

pg. 47
the experience that we have of our lives from within, the story we tell ourselves about ourselves in order to account for what we are doing, is fundamentally a lie--the truth lies outside, in what we do.

pg. 56
finding oneself in the position of the beloved is so violent, traumatic even: being loved makes me feel directly the gap between what i am as a determinate being and the unfathomable X in me which causes love...

pg. 76 (speaking about riots in the suburbs of france c. autumn 2005)
what does our celebrated freedom of choice serve, when the only choice is between playing by the rules and (self-)destructive violence?...[the riots] are what lacan called a passage a l'acte-an impulsive movement into action which can't be translated into speech or thought and carries with it an intolerable weight of frustration...they were neither offering a solution nor constituting a movement for providing a solution. their aim was to create a problem, to signal that they were a problem that could no longer be ignored. this is why violence was neccessary. had they organized a non-violent march, all they would have got was a small note on the bottom of a page...

taking, 2008/2009
pictures of people taking pictures

the meat and the berries

i'm existing so far inside of myself that it's like i'm not even here anymore. plagued by an intense loneliness, melting south like those fancy houses in the LA hills that lapse down onto the 405 when it rains too hard and the earth gets to quivering; involuntarily celibate, unemployed, drifting...it's hard times in my dome. i regularly lower my heart and shoulders and leak like making waste of emptiness, if such a thing were possible. i don't move, i sit for hours, 3, 10, 18 hours, maybe a day or two without moving and i find fraternity with all the stillness, the stillness of the walls and the floor; commonplace objects are scattered in commonplace ways, they don't sleep or close their eyes and neither do i, the light passes over us all, all over us, over and over. let's be still and let the pain ride (another five dollars to the person who can site that quote (hint* the author was a cancer and died of having blown his own brains out)).

rat tar

andrew laumann

3 self portraits from "i'm so tired", 2006

this dude is my new favorite photographer. i won't say much, he's got a blog where you can see all that needs to be said, click here.

meriem bennani

meriem delicious

so i'm cat sitting for my friend phil; phil has two roomies, one of whom is sam who has a girlfriend named meriem who gave sam possibly the most precious gift i've ever seen, a hand drawn tarot deck. so amazing, when i saw it i felt like she'd made it for me.



meriem's work can be seen at her site. i'm a big fan of works on paper and meriem's work is well worth my big fandom. watch out for an interview with ms. bennani once this whole "depressive fit" madness is over. till then, go see her site, gaze on her work and be amazed and filled with hope that maybe one day you'll have a girlfriend so lovely...

jason mecier


ross is in the throws of a passionate depression too and thank god for that 'cause there's nothing worse than feeling like you're the only one who hates yourself/life. luckily for me and for ross, his outlet for his madness is finding new things to be excited about, like jason mecier, who does mosaic portraits of celebrities that will blow your mind. check him out here

jerome karsenti



i can't read the words on this guy's site and i have no idea how it is that i came across his work but i like it a bunch and who needs words when you've got images. wooty woot...check him out here.

jessica elaine

baby baby baby, 2009

hey, guess what, i can draw! but only if i wanna bone ya. phil gave me some colored pencils for christmas (thanks phil!!!) so i took it upon myself to engage in a little regression, a little obsession and four hours of staring really hard at a picture from baby dayliner's myspace page. i think it's a pretty effing decent portrait, eh? eh?

post script
gozen and here we rest need you!

i'm trying to do lots of things. two things that you or someone you know might be able to help me do:

1. MAKE MPGS
i have a whole bunch of still images that i want to make into short stop-motion flicks. anybody know/have the software to make a series of jpgs into mpgs? get at me!!

2. MAKE GOZEN PRETTY
gozen is my photography stuff and soon, this blog will no longer house any of my own artistic photos, only work by other people and photos i've taken to show you stuff like some art or some food i ate at some place. if you know how to change blogger blogs to make them look less tacky and more awesome GET AT ME!!! and quickly, i'm suffocating in this inability...

and remember PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE. bag that shit!