27 September 2008

notes from a totally enraged young person

all photos in this post were taken in new orleans except for two which are noted.

capitall eff

the front porch, sarah and nathanael's place

movies
burn before reading: awesome acting, awesome story, typical, beautiful cohen style dialogue vs. little to no character arch for anyone; this didn't work for me as a full length but i still liked it. you call it, i'm not trying to keep anyone from this movie. hello? brad pitt george clooney? yeah.

across the street from sarah and nathanael's

michael clayton: i heard some bad reviews of this movie. those people who said those things are dumb.

rio/grey lover

lord of the rings trilody: OMFG, watched all three in a row for the first time in years. cried a lot. so good.

slow your roll

swastika breakfast

georgia rule: i heart lindsay lohan. this movie gets a c-. it's really bad. but guess what, a c- still passes. if this was medical school, georgia rule would be your doctor.

fútbol

life free or die/die hard part bajillion: love it. nothing bad to say about it.

guido's girls: grace jones and beyoncé

don't call me momma (train from alabama to louisiana)

tv
house: house is still an asshole, the writing is still formulaic, i still love it. missed the last few episodes of last season, have no idea what's going on, still love it.

two birds/one sky

law and order SVU: if i am ever the victim of a sex crime, i will not speak to anyone except olivia benson.

a plane

entourage: OH MY GOD MARK WAHLBERG. pardon me. i love this show and i love mark wahlberg. awesome. adam grenier is a cancer.

very loud birds

dexter: you are not ready for this season. i've seen the first five episodes (don't tell anyone i told you that) and you are just not effing ready.

i love sarah because she's skinny and always on time

music
i haven't actually listened to my ipod in a really long time. oh, before i left new orleans, i listened only to el-p's i'll sleep when you're dead and nothing else.

sketchy scorpios

gold and glass doin' it

updates
garland on jessica:
"you are abusive."
"You're a disturbed, narcissistic, and totally enraged young person"
"this whole stupid relationship, if you want to call it a relationship, has been something in your head"
"I'm not really angry. i'm relieved to be rid of you. just pissed that you keep writing to me."
"You are an extreme narcissist."
"You don't know how abusive you are. you can't know because you are not well and damn the person or peoples to hell who abused you to get you this way. I want to know how you are doing so if you want, please send updates"

i'm pregnant but suffice it to say, i will not be having garland's child for the above listed reasons. sick people should not reproduce, thank you garland sidney farwell for helping me to clear that up but more importantly THANK YOU ROE VS. WADE.

tandori tuna steak, pickled onions and sautéed spinach

lune over

s&n door detail

so anyway, hi guys! i'm back in new york, feels good. after i left garland, i stayed in new orleans for a while with sarah and nathanael (HI SARAH! HI NATHANAEL!) and was planning to stay permanently. sadly, i don't have the alchohol tolerance to live in new orleans and it's easier to have abortions in new york. plus, i missed my friends terribly and it only made sense to leave them when i was starting a new life with a fabulous man. once i realized that i was fantasizing the whole time, it made sense to beg jimmy to buy me a ticket home (thanks stripperface!). i'm in manhattan with jimmy, have been over the last few days, just eating and driving him crazy and talking about how big my boobs are. i can't wait to not be pregnant anymore (OH MY GO, SO OVER MORNING SICKNESS) but i really wish i could keep the boobs, man. these tits are awesome! check em:

my boobs, hell's kitchen

okay fine! the angle is kinda forced. sadly, they don't look nearly as big as they feel. but they're huge!


distorted perspective vs line

so, how about some real live babies, huh? all this talk of swolled up tetas reminded me...

carly and dan welome, of the ancient gugi line
cora jade berubé-arbello
4 september 2008

autumn and sam welcome, of the palmsized face
finn [name pending response from mama]
13 august 2008

natalie and tommy welcome, of the baby rockstar hands
dean thomas collins
4 july 2008

cuteness abounds! congrats to all the new mommas and poppas and the new miniature people. you guys, awwww. i love it.

lines, space, color

leaving, train somewhere between alabama and louisiana

communist bastard

i promised some poetry a few posts ago but the stuff i wrote while i was in alabama was pretty sucky. a poem titled "beer #4 and day #2 with a man who doesn't speak to me" is already off to a pretty depressing start so i deleted that vom pie and moved on to a more abstract and delicious approach. i coupled it with a stilldance from the first couple of days in new orleans:

3rd anniversary of history OR
long island linger part 1981 eats babybird nailed to chair OR
100 dollar a minute cardiotherapy under moonlight.
and
lo ilén melus/stilldance: giving up is not enough

i.

my shadow on your body is enough
boy. what a gracious knee bend
triumphs the staring bed edge.
say goodbye, fort concavities do.
just hovering absent sea grasses,
your breathing sleep sounds fishes.

i mix myself in dancing neat squares,
fingers tied into bows, then picture
clumps of candy hair, a tangerine ring.

delight tiptoes to the spot where
neck pierced first i succumb,
mussed and queer while seven am
dusts the feathered floor. the room
is light on the horizon of coming
doom of doom felled fleeing in.

ii.
when your roomates return we
whisper, so lightless, only your
teeth reflecting moon reflecting
sun reflecting. you tell me to put
my tits on your back.

i was sure to fall
on the couch, on the bed, smells
of akward spirals. blind rats are
dragging us away. i'm watching
you get older key by key, saving
every picture so as not to forget
right now right now right now
only the hint of me there, horses
cowlick your mild arms.

there are two screaming howlings,
they settle the air away. should i miss?
(maybe)
begin it with why:
listening likes moments else
past high walls for a lot, simple
tells despite that fallen, not yet
fallen graces fucking funny and
sweet. i love silly hums, i find
felt, no one told a lie.

seems good how you miss because
however in whatever disappears.
reason turns to anger, i want anymore
at least twice. he is right, i don't
believe no because i don't believe.
"don't give upon me"
okay i won't!

iii.

very much unanswered, some light
shed. define 'it'
for a very long time i responded
in kind. 'it' feeling some way
in his me provided
and make each other for comfort
hoping they say they miss someone.

okay. we'll repeat the previous format
fleshing out go away.
because of all the things i didn't
where's running and hiding? a hard
chance to make 'it' understand better.
you think 'it' will go away. according
and an end, everything passed hasn't
convinced myself, worthy, that time
doesn't stick. hmmm, very confusing.
maybe you should cook it harder.

iv.
what if i told you he didn't care?
i wouldn't believe that stuff deleted,
deleted his too depressed to call drank
songs, stopped mentioning as i
could.
and that didn't work?
deep nope. go through still keeping
motionless holes around.

doesn't that mean you should try something else?
maybe breakdown and call him.
yeah, or email. we would wake up,
have some talk and disappear. the same
way always happened and never why,
"start being weird afterwards"
what he does won't tell, won't or
can't stop, every weekend or so
for a couple of months. i thought
it was the sex.

v.
aside from this list, no. silence was
able to say 'jessica, i wanna hang out
between us for a while' after five
months of time when he's the only
one or even worse just hold me.
did it make you feel better?
herself, like this one, make
and villanize blame, judge my
side, justify the main draw like
'i want him only for me i want
a boyfriend i want a lover i want
him all the time' every once in
a while. when i left i made a list
of whenever go back. i'd like for
him to be on that list. we can
anything each other, loving is
good, i have no idea. his space
understands, stubborn, prone.
a month, a knowing week
i don't want you in my life pride or logic!

vi.
what a bad idea, jumping into this tasty hole
here inside you without forever!
lend me a new horse...

yellow lines, yellow shadows, not quite yellow

yay! okay. so anything else? yeah, shout outs to all my new orleans peeps, go saints! um, i'm staying with jimmy as i write this blog but by the time i post it i'll probably be staying with jess unless she doesn't email me back. my phone got cut off 'cause i spent my savings on that relationship that was all my head so i won't be taking or returning phone calls till i make some pettycash. soon i'll be back on the grid.

booted from myspace, i.

booted from myspace, ii.